le sigh

i've learned that its quite possible to annoy yourself. i've never thought that could be true because if you don't like something about yourself, you change it, right? you can change actions and you can look at situations from various angles to find the logic behind them. but one thing you can't really change is how you feel. and sometimes feelings aren't containable. sometimes they appear whether you want them to or not and it's visibly available to anybody in your presence. lately i've been a lacking version of myself and to those who are used to seeing me smile and make sarcastic comments full of dry humor, i'm sorry i've been different. i know you don't fault me, but i fault myself. i'm sort of excruciatingly  tired of myself and annoyed that i can't bring myself to be my normal self. it's disheartening and i can't wait for a better day. if only i could see glimpses of my future self/life.