it DOES get better!

so my 'always' fussy baby is less fussy nowadays. it really is crazy how quickly they change. every week he's evolving into something better than before.

i'm pretty positive that i was correct that Cam taking really shitty naps or no naps at all was what caused him to be a cranky mess all the time. as i continued in my struggle to find a way to get the kid to nap (bounced on a yoga ball for nearly an hour and a half only for him to wake up over and over again) my friend Marjie came over and all nonchalant was like "lemme try." mind you, we've had plenty of friends try for an hour or so with no real luck. he'd doze and the moment they put him down he'd wake right back up. i had little faith that she'd have some magic touch.

so Marjie swaddled him, hovered over his bassinet with her hand on his chest and rocked the bassinet while shushing him. for nearly ten minutes he cried and fussed and then BAM he just fell asleep. GASP!!! whaaaaat just happened???? she said that he definitely fights sleep and would rather be up and alert which is why he cries but he's actually tired so he's also willing go to sleep if coaxed. of course he didn't actually fall asleep for very long the first time. he woke himself up and started to cry. but she told me to wait it out for a minute and if he continued to actually cry for a solid 60 seconds, then i could go in and help him fall back asleep. but if within the 60 seconds he calms down at any point then start the count to 60 seconds over again. if he keeps calming himself down then that means he's trying to self settle or self soothe. to be honest, when i heard babies cry prior to having one of my own, it never really bothered me but that first day of letting him try to self settle was fairly brutal for a new mom like me. hearing your baby wail like that raises your blood pressure and just hits you in your heartstrings. BUT as i saw that he was able to settle himself and fall back asleep, i realized that he's learning. i tried to remind myself that babies his age (9 weeks) can only really communicate by crying. Marj said that every day it would get better and better. he would be able to self soothe/settle easier and he would sleep longer because he'd be able to help himself.

and guess f*cking WHAT!?! it's been almost a week of this and when he wakes himself up, he's able to fall back asleep on his own pretty easily for the most part. i watch him on the monitor and sometimes he'll wake, cry a few moments or make a frowny face and then go back to sleep. or sometimes he'll wake and look around for a little bit and then fall back asleep. occasionally he'll wake, cry for a while and i'll have to rescue him (as i call it) but he falls back asleep. sometimes he'll wake, stare, even smile and sort of giggle and then fall back asleep. what a freaking weirdo, amiright? true, his naps aren't knock-out-for-two-hour naps but maybe as he's able to self soothe they'll get longer and easier. i know some people might think that letting your baby cry at this age for sleep is cruel but i don't view it that way. it's not like i allow him to cry for even ten minutes straight. and the dude is learning! he's totally capable.

and you know what? because he's actually getting daytime sleep in, he's a happier baby when he's awake and it's been life changing for the both of us! i like my baby! when he's awake, cooing, smiling and playing, i am so in love with him! all he needed was more rest and i'm finally able to give it to him. as he's learning and practicing and as i'm letting the reigns go a little bit, he's been napping way better than ever before. on two occasions today, i didn't even rock him in the bassinet at all. all i did was watch for his sleepy signals, swaddle him and shush him until he fell asleep. it was amaaaaaazing! not that every day will be the same or that i'm never going to have to rock him in the bassinet to help him get to sleep, but hopefully as the days go on we'll figure it out and we'll be able to be on the way to real sleep training through the night. we're already starting the path to that. woohoo!

i have to give so so SO much credit to Marjie. she seriously is a baby whisperer. i am mesmerized with her magic. she's provided me with some groundwork to a happier baby, which means a happier me. i feel far less anxious than i did just a week ago and we're on the road to it DOES get better!!!