3 months!

we're officially out of the newborn stage!! i can't believe that we have an actual human baby now and not just a crying thing with eyes. but tell you honestly (as i always do), it's sort of weird. the transition from 'newborn' to 'infant' makes me feel like i can't complain anymore. they say the newborn stage is hard and i obviously 150% agree with that but now i can't be like "i'm dealing with a newborn." it's shifted to me just sounding like an ungrateful asshole and being like "yeah, being a mom to a baby in general is not the business." as difficult as this has been for me, i'm actually grateful...but still an asshole.

as you know, motherhood for me thus far hasn't been the easiest thing. in fact it's been the hardest thing i've endured in my life. maybe i've been spoiled or have been granted a blessed life but so far things overall have come fairly easy for me. if i wanted a job, i did all i could to get it. when i wanted a specific house, i did all i could to secure it. and i somehow landed the perfect husband for me. you get the picture. but there is a lot of loss of control when you've got a baby and that's been the hardest thing for me. i spend a lot of time thinking about how in the hell am i ever going to get this child on a schedule? how the eff do i plot out naps throughout the day so that he's not overtired, under tired, past his 'awake times' for his age, yet have all of that make sense within the time he's awake during the day? you can never tell if a nap is going to last 20 minutes or 3 hours so how the eff am i supposed to work around that? TELL ME!! someone tell me!! the internet does a good job of telling me too much and i can't navigate all of that. but y'know what? i'm going back to work soon and i won't have time to dwell on all of the intricacies of baby sleep once he's being taken care of by someone else. my mom says i have too much time on my hands and am over analyzing everything. and you know mom's always right! can't argue that!

speaking of baby sleep, we decided to move the kid to his big boy room a whole flight of stairs away around 10 weeks old. we were tired of feeling like our room wasn't ours anymore. we'd tiptoe around trying our best not to wake the baby and it just got ridiculous. person A would be in the bathroom brushing our teeth and person B would tap, tap tap the door ever so lightly, signaling person A to turn the light off to let person B in. then, if person B was ready to go to bed but person A still needed to pee, person B would just wait out the pee session so that we didn't have to do the whole lights on/off dance over again (sorry hubs, if this was tmi for public knowledge). don't get me started on avoiding sneezing, coughing or adjusting positions. it was stupid and we felt like we were hostage to a potentially waking baby. so the kid moved to his crib way sooner than we thought we were going to move him. now we're hostage to a monitor that wakes us every time we hear him shuffle around. or i am at least. Ted can tune it out better than i can. lucky duck. my sleep has gone to shit as well. i used to be able to fall asleep within minutes and now i'm up writing a blog post because i can't fall asleep. and when i wake up because i hear him moving around or i wake up to feed him, it takes me 30 min-1.5 hours to fall back asleep. #newmomlife

also speaking of sleep, lately Cam has been sleeping from about 7:30pm, waking around 4am, and then sleeping again until 7am. that's pretty damn good if i do say so myself. not that this is permanent by any means but for now we'll take it! sometimes the kid will wake up and talk to himself and even sort of laugh and smile for a while before he starts to fuss. and because this is our first rodeo and we still don't know what the hell we're doing we're like "is dude hungry, or is he going back to sleep?" typically we end up feeding him because we're unsure and it's the surefire way to get him back to sleep. we're still learning.

gawd! all that me, me, me talk.

so Cameron is a hefty 14 lbs 10 oz or so if you couldn't tell by those thunder thighs. we're going to move him into size 2 diapers already because of all that chunk. he's chugging anywhere from 4-7 oz of formula every four hours or so, though lately he's so aware now that he gets distracted while eating. like, are you a toddler already or what? he loves to talk and hold "conversations." it's friggin adorable y'all!! when he's well rested, he's the shit! he's so smiley and fun. i love seeing his different expressions. he's actually slowly becoming a real person! i used to find balls of smelly milky lint in his fists but now his hands are open more and there is less of that gunk. he's starting to grasp things a little better and he's starting to put things into his mouth. speaking of mouth, this guy is already sprouting teeth! WHAT. THE. HELL!! his two bottom front teeth (i know i'm an x-ray tech and i should probably use the scientific name for it but i'm not 100% about what that is at this moment and i'm too lazy to google. incisors?? who cares) are starting to poke out already! thank god i never really gave breastfeeding a real chance. could you imagine at this rate he'd be gnawing me raw by 5 months! his skin has been going all sorts of bonkers lately. we're not sure if it's just seborrheic dermatitis (similar to cradle cap, which he also has a strong case of) that's flared up or if he's potentially got eczema, but it's starting to go onto his shoulders and upper back. obviously i hope he doesn't have eczema but it's not the worst thing. i just feel bad for the little man because it looks so uncomfortable for him.

overall Cam is really healthy, plays by himself well and is so cute to me that i can't help but smother him in kisses. i even kiss his feet and i hate feet. not his though. at least not now. when he's like 2 and they're stinky boy feet, i will definitely not be kissing them. forreal, as an x-ray tech, one of the worst smells for me is boy feet.

and on that awkward note, i'm headed to bed! hopefully i can fall asleep!

happy!

neutral

get me out of this thing.