rants from an x-ray tech

from: regina
to: patients

-it's super bizarre when i ask you how you're doing and you give me no response. i ask you if you are able to stand and you stare at me blankly as if we're from different planets. i do your whole exam thinking that you speak another language and the only way to communicate with you is through a brief game of charades, and then when we're done all of a sudden you say "thank you so much," in perfect english. what. in. the. f*ck?

- when i ask you to turn and face the wall to your right, i do indeed mean you RIGHT! then when i turn you around towards the correct wall and say "this wall, not that wall," and you respond with "but you said my right," i curse your parents for not teaching you fundamentals.

-when i ask you to lie down on the table, i'm not sure why you insist on being diagonal. nowhere in the history of anywhere do people mean "be weird" when they ask you to lie down for an exam. oh, and when you ask me where your head goes, it's probably going to be the side where the pillow is, dontchathink?

-you're here for a chest x-ray because you're sick and coughing up a lung, right? do you live and die by the phrase "misery loves company" or what? cover your mouth when you're coughing in my face, you jerk!

-if i tell you that you need to hold "reeeeaaaallly still" for a few minutes for a CT scan of your head, why do you think it's okay to lift your head up out of the holder and say "now?"

-on that same note, when i ask you to "take in a deep breath," and you pause for a moment then say "okay tell me when," i've likely already taken your subpar x-ray. are you ready to take a second one?