the connectivity of two people

as an adult it's really hard to meet somebody and have an instant chemistry or connection. i'm talking romantically of course. friendships are far easier to make than relationships involving the heart. i am all for the married couples who met when they were young, then learned and grew with each other. and i'm all for those that struggled through hard times together and fought for their relationship so long as in the end there is resolve and all histories remain history. many relationships start off sort of iffy. he's nice so i'll see where it goes. he's funny so his asshollishness is counteracted. he buys me things so the fact that he's a bore isn't a deal breaker. you let things slide because you just do. i see all of these situations and often these people have moved into a life with someone without fully feeling the chemistry.

as someone who is nearly 30, it's become increasingly evident to me that finding true chemistry with someone else is quite the battle, as i do not want to be someone who just let's things slide. this is because the older you become, the more you are in tune with all of the things you want. well, i would hope so anyway. when you were eighteen if a guy was cute, well that was enough wasn't it? when you were twenty-two you just wanted someone who you could have fun with. it didn't matter whether he was ambitious or had a good relationship with his mom. but when you're at my age so many things matter. you're looking for someone who you're attracted to, who shares the same values as you do, who is in line with the type of future you wish to have (be it in work, future family, how you spend your money, etc.), who you can have fun with, who you share a similar humor, who can be your support and who you feel you want to reciprocate for, and who you just have that magic with. i'm not saying that relationships don't take work or include compromise, but those things are sort of a big deal. and finding all of those things in one person seems nearly impossible.

trust me, i've been in the dating field a lot in my life and finding someone who you just click with doesn't come easy. in the past i've dated plenty of people with whom i sort of just thought "ehh..they're pretty cool" to see where it will lead and found that i've never been passionate about those guys. as i have grown into someone who knows pretty much what i deserve, i can't help but reject anything that doesn't captivate me. there's the guy who's super nice, attractive, has a good head on his shoulders, and is boring as f*ck. no thanks. there's the guy who is hilarious, easy to talk to, dresses well and is gentlemanly, but is a little too animated and who's energy level is just one step above acceptable. oh, and then he said "in yo fayce" (yes, the 'y' is there on purpose because he literally pronounced it like that) twice, which is two too many times. nope, i'm good. no thanks. boring and different energy levels are sort of deal breakers and definitely kill any desire to want to get to know someone better in a romantic sense.

what i'm getting at is that nowadays i'm not just in search of someone to fill my time with fun and games. i'm in need of someone who not only shares in all of the aforementioned things but who i also have legitimate chemistry with. two people who are on the same vibe on all of those levels have a true connectivity. and that's the only relationship i'll settle for. 

the unusual shallow deal breaker

everybody has deal breakers when it comes to the opposite sex, right? they can be anything at the discretion of each individual person's needs/wants/likes. for some people it's the amount of money they make, whether or not children are involved, or whether they're divorced. a deal breaker can be that he's an asshole to his mom, or that she's too high maintenance. he's too nerdy. or she's too shy. or maybe he simply types "dat" instead of "that" (guys, do you know how obnoxious you sound at that very moment?). sometimes deal breakers can be nothing more than a shallow observation that turns a person off. maybe he's too short or dresses like he's twelve. maybe her pixie hair cut isn't doing it for you, or she's got a bleached mustache. or how about that Popeye eye. you know...one incredibly small, nearly squinting eye sitting next to a normal sized eye. who knows? to each their own. you all know i can't stand the not-smile-smile.

again, everybody has their deal breaker. but what i want to focus on here is the unusual shallow deal breaker. out of curiosity, i've had conversations with girl friends about what their unusual shallow deal breakers are. some people couldn't figure out an unusual turn-off. they just listed "bad teeth" and "too chubby" but those aren't unusual at all. of the responses i've heard, i have two favorites (mostly because i think they're funny):

1. thick thighs- her reasoning is that wider hips and thighs are a feminine quality. so basically if the circumference of a man's thighs equal more than x-amount (whatever the threshold is, i don't know...that's up to her) then they are considered to be too womanly and it's a massive turn-off.

2. baby nails- she said "short nails" but i quickly turned that into "baby nails." also, not nice hands in general. she didn't specify what exactly qualifies as gross hands to her. or maybe she did, but i decided not to focus on that because "baby nails" was too hysterical an image to take my mind off of at the time. anyhow, she said that if someone's hands weren't up to par, the thought of them touching her freaks her out.

so. wanna know what my unusual shallow deal breaker is? do ya? doooo ya? drumroll please!!!

it's...

permanent deep brow lines- know what i mean? i'm talking about those deep creases that form on a person's forehead over time from always questioning things. they might wonder "who? what? when? where? why?" about who-knows-what and their eyebrows raise, causing the skin at the top of their dome to crinkle into a number of folds. as this action is repeated throughout life, the folds become more permanent and eventually that person doesn't even have to be in a state of wonder for the excessive skin on their forehead to just stay folded. i'll give you the perfect example. click this link to see how Chef Gordon Ramsay's forehead is the ideal image of my unusual shallow deal breaker.

now of course if a person is an amazing being, then these "deal breakers" aren't really deal breakers. they're just for the sake of conversation. quite honestly, if someone is genuine, caring, loyal and the whole shebang, then a wrinkled forehead really isn't going to be the end all. but sometimes it's fun to ponder.