Sunday, July 9, 2017

i don't want to get fat!

me: my greatest fear is the whole getting fat thing
laura (sister in law): i think that's every new mom's fear
jeremy (brother): well you've had a lot of practice though

fucking asshole! 

not everybody may know this but like many women i've got a real scared-to-be-fat complex. it stems from my childhood as a 'fat kid'. if you've followed my blog before you may remember these chronicles of a chunkiiiii. there are more in these chronicles but i think that's enough sample evidence for you. 

i'm not quite as concerned with the aftermath of birth because as i stand today, i don't intend on keeping the baby weight. i have always made time to exercise and eat healthy when needed and i'm waaaaay too self conscious to allow myself to pack it on and keep it there. i've got twentyish years of constant mental and physical practice trying no to be a complete chub so i'm hoping to keep it that way. yeah yeah yeah, i know all the moms out there are laughing out loud and shaking their heads at me. "'ll never find time to workout or even cook healthy meals for that matter. you'll be fluffier forever." well damn, just let me live in my head for a little while longer okay? i'm already fearful that the single pair of $130 high waist jeans (i never spend that kind of money on jeans but thought i'd treat myself before getting pregs. a month later i started growing a human. what a waste. pun intended) will never ever fit my inevitably expanding hips. let's not even mention future knee pains and lower extremity swelling. tell me why i'm doing this again?

slight change in body but also 5: sports bra, 12: regular bra. those have not grown.
...and on another note, this is a testament to how good dry shampoo works too, eh?

it may be a little hard to tell but between weeks 5 and 12, there's a slight change in my midsection. the worst part is i'm almost 100% certain that 0% of that is actually any evidence of a growing mammal baby. that, my friends, is a pure carbohydrate baby. see between the nausea, increased hormones, physical changes, and irritations i've experienced in this first trimester, i find myself wanting to eat only carbs. and you know what? i'm effing doing it! i usually keep track of how often i eat nutritionless carbs like white rice, pasta, bread and cereal but as of late, that's all i want. mac n cheese, pizza and sandwiches all day. no lies here... it's been mf fun af to eat like a teenager. and like a boss, i've only really gained one pound so far. but i think i can equate that to simultaneously losing muscle while gaining squish. more on that in another post. 

i think that very quickly i'm going to find myself in that awkward place where people sort of just think you're getting chunky. uugggghhh! i am dreading that time period, to say the least. like, i'm not even worried about the whole squeezing an entire human body out of my lower half. i'm more concerned about this growing middle that is going to look like i've got an all-you-can-eat buffet problem i'm trying to disguise. it's a good thing that fashion these days agrees with my pregnancy and flowy, loose fitting clothes are 'in.' i just want to pop already. i'd rather have a taut balloon belly than a doughy tire around my waist.

anyhow, just sitting here waiting it out with chips in hand. 

Thursday, July 6, 2017

unsolicited baby advice #1

so i've heard from every single mom-friend that once you're pregnant you are going to receive endless amounts of unsolicited pregnancy and baby advice. i've barely told the world about this condition of mine and lo and behold it's already happening. i thought this might be a good place to share the newfound "knowledge" i pick up from people here and there and also voice whether i think what they have to say is valid or a piece of shit.

first up to bat: i'll start with my grandma. when we told her we were pregnant she (in chinese) said "i'm so happy don't eat pineapple and mango" in one quick breath. like, did you even get over the excitement of a fifth great grandchild and jump to advice so soon? she's like a thought process wizard. i asked what the reasoning behind it was because my fruit of choice lately has been pineapple so i need to weigh my choices here. she said that pineapple and mango cause early birth. oh. really? not that i did any research or anything but i'm pretty sure it's like "turkey makes you sleepy" in that i'd probably have to eat like seven hundred pineapples in a day and a half to push this baby out early. and even if i ate seven hundred in a sitting, it'd probably exit because my abdomen would be so full that the kid has nowhere to go but out.

verdict: bullshit, grandma. but you can tell me whatever you want as often as you want because i value that you want to share life experiences and advice with me.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

how we got pregnant

no, not the nitty gritty technical stuff, you perv!

plenty of my friends have been parents for years already but i know plenty of people who are either currently trying or will be trying in the near future to conceive. i thought i'd jot down some Q&A stuff in case anybody was curious about any of the following things...

were we trying to get pregnant? yes. i'm 33 and Ted is 37. i've always kept a sort of timeline in the back of my mind about having a child before i'm 35. after 35 developmental concerns rise and they supposedly make you do more testing. i wanted to avoid that if possible because i'm a lazy af and don't want to go in to see anybody more than i have to.

when did you get off birth control? Ted and i got married in early october of last year. on wedding day i didn't have pockets to put my pills in so i just decided to stop then and there. that was about six months before we conceived. i was mostly continuing birth control at that time to make sure my skin was flawless on wedding day anyway. you should see my skin now (12 weeks in). it's a wreck! waaahhh!! -insert cry face emoji-

how long were you trying? actually trying, only about 2-3 months. yes, we realize we are blessed in that aspect and that it's not always that easy for others to conceive. we did the "not not trying" thing for around four months but all that meant was that i wasn't on birth control. i had no idea what time frame ovulation even occurred within a cycle during that time.

what did you do to start trying? first, i downloaded the Flo app to start documenting when my periods started and finished. this let me know that i was on a regular cycle. then i started using ovulation sticks so that i knew exactly when i was ovulating (the app will guess but it wasn't always accurate). the window for ovulation is anywhere from 12-24 hours so it's really beneficial to know exactly when that is so you don't miss the opportunity. real sexy. "hey! sometime today, before we put mouth guards and invisalign retainers in, we've got to make this baby. but remember i'll need to allot time for hanging upside down too."

are you taking prenatal vitamins? yes! when i first started taking them, i was inconsistent. i took them maybe four times a week. my friend very loudly and adamantly scolded me about how taking prenatals is the easiest way to prevent spina bifida and that if i don't take them consistently, i may have a baby that won't ever walk. like, damn girl. dramatic, or what? ooookay! so i changed my daily alarm from "antibaby" (which was my birth control alarm) to "anti spina bifs!" (which is my prenatal vitamin alarm). i'm not picky about which ones i use. i just take whatever one i happen to run into at the store when i run out. edit: i was taking the horse pill kind but i've recently switched to gummies and it has changed my life!

got any tricks? aside from the ol' prop your pelvis up and basically hang upside down for 20 minutes after sex, i've got none. they say it doesn't really matter though. a strong swimmer will make it's way whether gravity helps it or not. iiii say why not give the little dudes even just an inch of decreased swim distance if you can. help 'em out, y'know? just throw a pillow under you or use that wall to help you get into some inversion yoga moves and hang out for a bit. it can't hurt.

when did you find out you were pregnant? about a day or so after the fertilized egg would have implanted (approximately seven days after ovulation), i felt lightheaded for a few hours. i'm pretty aware of my body and i never ever feel lightheaded, even if i'm dehydrated. so i googled whether that was a symptom of implantation. i found that plenty of women on forums said that they felt lightheaded around the same time and a couple weeks later they tested positive on a home pregnancy test. i used a home pregnancy test seven days after i felt lightheaded and tested positive with a verrrrrry faint line. the next couple days i took tests again and all of them tested positive. i technically knew i was pregnant around 3 weeks and 3 days. crazy, huh?

and that's that. boom. life, changed.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

current hobby: growing a human

*written on May 13, 2017


it's true.

the one person who is known to give zero fucks about whether your growing child is the size of an eggplant this week is growing one of her own. yikes, right?

i realize the irony in the fact that i'm currently writing a blog post about my future child. who am i to side eye an instagram feed saturated with multiple pictures of a baby/child in the same moment taken split seconds of each other yet have the balls to start writing about my own prenatal experiences? yikes again. the good news is you can completely avoid it or read at your own discretion.

i've decided to pick up writing in this blog again because this is a huge turning point in my life (and Ted's too of course). i'd like to sort of document it for my future self and for our future kid to potentially view what it was like in mom's eyes to go through the process of child rearing. also, half of this kid's sets of grandparents live on the other side of the country and i'm positive they'd like to experience this with us (lookin' at you Momma Lin). so here goes another shot at blogging.

as i'm writing, i'm currently sitting at the later end of five weeks. i haven't even seen an ultrasound that shows evidence of a growing embryo. there isn't a heartbeat yet. but what i do know now is that nausea is kicking in, i'm more sensitive to sound, and have noticed slightly less chill in my demeanor. poor Ted eagerly read off multiple menu items to order and i snapped back because he wasn't giving me time to process the menu on my own without annoyingly barking 'how about this' and 'how about that.' to be fair though, that could've just been hanger talking through me.

aside from these symptoms, there isn't much happening. so long as things fly smoothly over the next few weeks, this blog post will be making it to your eyes and i'll start writing in this blog again.

wish us luck! fingers crossed for a happy healthy baby and a happy healthy me.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Ai Wei Wei at Alcatraz

this valentine's day we took a trip to Alcatraz to see @Large, an Ai Wei Wei exhibit. Ai Wei Wei is a chinese artist and activist who focuses on freedom of expression and human rights. if you're unfamiliar with his work i'll bet you can recognize one of his contributions. he was a designer and consultant for the Beijing National Stadium for the 2008 Summer Olympics. you know, the giant birds nest. yeah, that's him. i've never seen Alcatraz used as an arena to showcase art, so when this came up i knew i had to see it. @Large consists of seven different art installations be it visual, sound or mixed media, displayed all over Alcatraz in many of the areas not usually open to the public. you can read the descriptions on the For-Site Foundation page. 

With Wind
the dragon represents personal freedom and other kites around the room represent nations that restrict their citizen's human rights. 

made up of Lego pieces, these are the faces of activists who've been imprisoned or exiled for their beliefs.

made to resemble the wing of a bird, this represents freedom in confinement. 

Yours Truly
an opportunity to write to activist prisoners

porcelain flowers fill the bathtub, sink and toilets of the hospital portion of Alcatraz, offering "comfort" to prisoners. 

Stay Tuned
poems, songs and spoken word from a variety of activists all over the world are heard while sitting in a solitary cell. 

(not pictured)
Tibetan chants are heard in an area of the hospital meant for observing the mentally ill. 

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

shorts and fun socks party

it's been a while since our rad. crew got together for all the laughs and all the fun. we decided to have a verrrry late holiday party just for the sake of ease in scheduling. last years theme was ugly sweaters and this year's theme was shorts and fun socks. we did a secret santa exchange but along with that was lots of drinking, enough food to feed an army, forced heavy lifting to get my area rug in place before i allowed festivities to begin, clown faces, photo shoots, two positives and one negative, all of the wrapping paper launched at me with instructions to "aim between the eyes," calling a white dog a 'black' name but really it's a Game of Thrones name, drunken tears shed after the most deserving person announced a pregnancy, and endless giggles. if i don't say it enough, i have the greatest coworker-friends ever!!


tell me why this sassy bitch looks a little like a pedophile peeking up over those glasses.

this was an awesome dual pair of socks!!  his actual legs are just as hairy as the socks he's used to cover them up.

grub time! the only person to spill on my new area rug was....ME. whoops!

while everybody posed for this pic i was in my own little world. hello there, creepy eye...

 if "turnt up" were in my vocabulary, this would be the threshold moment for when things were about to get "turnt up" aka when Tracy, my version of Beyonce's Sasha Fierce, came out. except Tracy is less fierce and more ghetto. i mean i grew up in the Bay so that's my excuse.

we had a little visitor who was probably upset that with all the people around, she didn't get a morsel of food. meet, Khaleesi, whom i wish to be mine.

SF radiology has a good lookin' crew! hawt!

oh, i mean the women in radiology are hawt...haha!! we made the boys do the same pose...twas a riot!

making good use of those stairs

i'm not really sure what's happening here (which is funny considering i'm right there with her...) but i'm hoping that she was dropping it low. 

getting our lighting right

gift exchange time!!! to be quite honest, i don't remember most of this. good thing i took a ton of pictures to piece it all together eventually. 
lindsay got her work hubby, adrian! 

ron hates clowns so naturally, when he opened his gift and this clown mask was the first thing he saw, it was fun for everybody else. 

ron got his faaaavvvvvorite tech, Donna.

glasses cleaner? i have no idea.

the cutest wrap job!

i got nattypants! like my gift wrapping skills? 

she asked for a hair teasing brush, eye liner and gloves for working out so i put them all together on one awesome version of her. i also got her a rose gold flat plate necklace that says "love" because she loves anything that says love. i know, i know..... i kick ass at gift presentation, huh?

love that pic in the book. nick looks so annoyed

maple got a scratcher for her cats that looked like a dj scratch deck 

one of my favorites! 

happy birthday Natty!!

a blast as always!