Thursday, August 17, 2017

unsolicited baby advice #2

so i'm in a taxi on my way to the airport in Las Vegas for the 4th of July weekend. i notice the driver has a very distinct African accent so i ask where he's from and how long he's been in America. gaaaaaawwwwwdd!!! i sound like a real patriotic asshole american now that i sit here and realize i did this on the actual 4th of July as if it matters where he's from or how long he's been in 'Murica. anyhow the answers are Nigeria and "long story. twenty years ago i came and delivered babies in the Bay Area where you're from. i stayed for two years then went back to Nigeria for twenty years as a doctor. now i'm back and my license to practice in America expired so i have to do some residency stuff again." he tells me he worked at Kaiser in Oakland, which is where i did part of my clinical portion of x-ray school. i usually avoid conversation with people in a general sense but this opens doors to the more social part of me. we get to talking and i tell him that i'm just finishing up my first trimester. i think that he's going to tell me some really sound, awesome advice considering he's a doctor that's delivered babies for decades. or maybe even some really unique advice out of Nigeria.

"you have to promise me one thing. it's very important. when you have a baby and it starts to crawl sometimes you are boiling water. you are boiling water and you canNOT spill it on your baby. you have to do this one very important thing and it is to look behind you if you are boiling water. if you spill boiling water on your baby it is a very bad thing. is it a boy or a girl? if it's a boy and you spill boiling water on him he will still find a wife but if it's a girl it will be very hard for her to find a husband if she is burned. i had a friend who spilled a pot of boiling water on his child because he did not look back and it was not good. so promise me this one thing. you have to do it. look before you boil water to see where your child is."

verdict: valid. okay. got it. so you're saying do not spill boiling water on a baby. whew. really happy you told me that, dude. geez, what if i'd never met you? i would have just kept spilling hot ass water on my baby all willy nilly and potentially ruined her future with a husband. but then again if it's a boy i guess i could be a little more lax about spillage.

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

baby Ausum

it seems like nowadays new moms and dads end up finding a nickname for their little almost-human immediately after finding out the pregnancy even exists.  i guess it's a way to feel connected to the kid and to make it more real as it journeys into forming a brain, limbs, innards, etc. i know a lot of people call their fetus Peanut and i've heard Gummy Bear, Walnut and Moose among people i know.

i'm about four and a half months pregnant now and for lack of a less specific and scientific name i just kept calling it Future Baby (note: i'm aware that it's a boy, yet i still call him 'it.' it's just in my unmotherly nature, okay? hopefully that'll change soon. ha!). truth be told, i still don't feel too attached to it because i can't feel anything yet. so far it's still all very sciency to me and i haven't found the connection that i know some moms feel instantly. maybe that's why i haven't given it a name yet. moms out there calm down. don't get all sad for me. i'm not sad about it and i'm very happy to be pregnant.

this weekend some friends and i were talking about naming the baby. we discussed how Filipino people love to make a blend of  the mom's name and dad's name to create a new name (ex. Jaden+Evelyn=Jaedelyn). no thanks. or how people love to take a standard name but change the vowel or throw in an extra letter or two to make their kid's name 'unique' (ex. Michelle turns into Misheyl. probably not a real one but i'm exaggerating here to make a point).  also, no thanks.

we talked about how Ted's instagram name is tedisawesome and mine is always__awesome. we talked about how when we met via okcupid, my screen name was always_awesome and one of Ted's first messages to me was a link for when we got married, we found it appropriate to hashtag our wedding with #thelinsareawesome. we pretty much bombard people with the idea that we are awesome. obnoxious, i know. so much so that people are also buying us baby things that say "awesome" on it.

while talking about all of this, someone said we should name the kid Awesome or make it a middle name. ___ Awesome Lin sorta has a ring to it. we thought it was funny and ridiculous for a while. then we threw around the idea that we'd have to spell it differently to be even more unique and stupid. it'd have to be spelled a-u-s-u-m to make it over the top. this is all probably not that funny now but at the time i'll assure you that we were all on the same page about it's ridiculousness. so since we hadn't given Future Baby and official nickname yet, we decided that before he is born, Ausum it is!

Thursday, August 10, 2017

we're having a.....

what do you want? a boy or a girl?-- this has been asked every single day for the past few weeks by anybody who found out i was pregnant. i was pretty neutral about whether we had a boy or a girl for our first child but when #2 rolls around i'll be more preferential.  we'll be happy either way but the idea of a nuclear family with one boy, one girl and a dog would be great. 

we've got four girls who are under 4 years old in my extended family and i've imagined family trips, christmases and sleepovers being a friggin blast with five girls hanging out and giggling all night long. but then again i've got a cousin that i consider one of my best friends and i can envision our kids growing up together as close as we are. she's got a little boy and i would love for two boys to be the best of buds as well. Ted on the other hand preferred to have a girl first. he's always gotten along really well with women. in fact, most of his friends are women or was the woman first and then he'd adopt their boyfriends/husbands as friends second. but mostly i think he wants the daddy's girl relationship. 

working in the medical field, i'm lucky to have access to seeing the baby all the time, which is a god send. i can always hop in and ask to see the heartbeat or make sure things are looking good. i can't even imagine how much more stressful the gestation period could be if you don't have that option. anyhow, i couldn't wait for our anatomy ultrasound so i decided to find out early. i made sure to video chat Ted so we could find out together. 


it's a boy! check out that little pein i'm growing right now. there's a pretty solid helmet, if i do say so myself. haha! so now i'm currently the owner of a penis and a vagina. crass, i know. but you know me by now, don't you? 

if i'm being honest, the moment i heard we were having a boy, there were a few moments when i thought "but what if it were a girl instead." grass is always greener, huh? but just for a moment. when i think about it, i've always wanted boys for my pets and i'm sort of more like a dude myself in general. i'm wrapping my mind around the idea that our house is going to be overrun by boys and penises. Ted, two dogs and now i've got one of my own. haha! 

Sunday, July 9, 2017

i don't want to get fat!

me: my greatest fear is the whole getting fat thing
laura (sister in law): i think that's every new mom's fear
jeremy (brother): well you've had a lot of practice though

fucking asshole! 

not everybody may know this but like many women i've got a real scared-to-be-fat complex. it stems from my childhood as a 'fat kid'. if you've followed my blog before you may remember these chronicles of a chunkiiiii. there are more in these chronicles but i think that's enough sample evidence for you. 

i'm not quite as concerned with the aftermath of birth because as i stand today, i don't intend on keeping the baby weight. i have always made time to exercise and eat healthy when needed and i'm waaaaay too self conscious to allow myself to pack it on and keep it there. i've got twentyish years of constant mental and physical practice trying no to be a complete chub so i'm hoping to keep it that way. yeah yeah yeah, i know all the moms out there are laughing out loud and shaking their heads at me. "'ll never find time to workout or even cook healthy meals for that matter. you'll be fluffier forever." well damn, just let me live in my head for a little while longer okay? i'm already fearful that the single pair of $130 high waist jeans (i never spend that kind of money on jeans but thought i'd treat myself before getting pregs. a month later i started growing a human. what a waste. pun intended) will never ever fit my inevitably expanding hips. let's not even mention future knee pains and lower extremity swelling. tell me why i'm doing this again?

slight change in body but also 5: sports bra, 12: regular bra. those have not grown.
...and on another note, this is a testament to how good dry shampoo works too, eh?

it may be a little hard to tell but between weeks 5 and 12, there's a slight change in my midsection. the worst part is i'm almost 100% certain that 0% of that is actually any evidence of a growing mammal baby. that, my friends, is a pure carbohydrate baby. see between the nausea, increased hormones, physical changes, and irritations i've experienced in this first trimester, i find myself wanting to eat only carbs. and you know what? i'm effing doing it! i usually keep track of how often i eat nutritionless carbs like white rice, pasta, bread and cereal but as of late, that's all i want. mac n cheese, pizza and sandwiches all day. no lies here... it's been mf fun af to eat like a teenager. and like a boss, i've only really gained one pound so far. but i think i can equate that to simultaneously losing muscle while gaining squish. more on that in another post. 

i think that very quickly i'm going to find myself in that awkward place where people sort of just think you're getting chunky. uugggghhh! i am dreading that time period, to say the least. like, i'm not even worried about the whole squeezing an entire human body out of my lower half. i'm more concerned about this growing middle that is going to look like i've got an all-you-can-eat buffet problem i'm trying to disguise. it's a good thing that fashion these days agrees with my pregnancy and flowy, loose fitting clothes are 'in.' i just want to pop already. i'd rather have a taut balloon belly than a doughy tire around my waist.

anyhow, just sitting here waiting it out with chips in hand. 

Thursday, July 6, 2017

unsolicited baby advice #1

so i've heard from every single mom-friend that once you're pregnant you are going to receive endless amounts of unsolicited pregnancy and baby advice. i've barely told the world about this condition of mine and lo and behold it's already happening. i thought this might be a good place to share the newfound "knowledge" i pick up from people here and there and also voice whether i think what they have to say is valid or a piece of shit.

first up to bat: i'll start with my grandma. when we told her we were pregnant she (in chinese) said "i'm so happy don't eat pineapple and mango" in one quick breath. like, did you even get over the excitement of a fifth great grandchild and jump to advice so soon? she's like a thought process wizard. i asked what the reasoning behind it was because my fruit of choice lately has been pineapple so i need to weigh my choices here. she said that pineapple and mango cause early birth. oh. really? not that i did any research or anything but i'm pretty sure it's like "turkey makes you sleepy" in that i'd probably have to eat like seven hundred pineapples in a day and a half to push this baby out early. and even if i ate seven hundred in a sitting, it'd probably exit because my abdomen would be so full that the kid has nowhere to go but out.

verdict: bullshit, grandma. but you can tell me whatever you want as often as you want because i value that you want to share life experiences and advice with me.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

how we got pregnant

no, not the nitty gritty technical stuff, you perv!

plenty of my friends have been parents for years already but i know plenty of people who are either currently trying or will be trying in the near future to conceive. i thought i'd jot down some Q&A stuff in case anybody was curious about any of the following things...

were we trying to get pregnant? yes. i'm 33 and Ted is 37. i've always kept a sort of timeline in the back of my mind about having a child before i'm 35. after 35 developmental concerns rise and they supposedly make you do more testing. i wanted to avoid that if possible because i'm a lazy af and don't want to go in to see anybody more than i have to.

when did you get off birth control? Ted and i got married in early october of last year. on wedding day i didn't have pockets to put my pills in so i just decided to stop then and there. that was about six months before we conceived. i was mostly continuing birth control at that time to make sure my skin was flawless on wedding day anyway. you should see my skin now (12 weeks in). it's a wreck! waaahhh!! -insert cry face emoji-

how long were you trying? actually trying, only about 2-3 months. yes, we realize we are blessed in that aspect and that it's not always that easy for others to conceive. we did the "not not trying" thing for around four months but all that meant was that i wasn't on birth control. i had no idea what time frame ovulation even occurred within a cycle during that time.

what did you do to start trying? first, i downloaded the Flo app to start documenting when my periods started and finished. this let me know that i was on a regular cycle. then i started using ovulation sticks so that i knew exactly when i was ovulating (the app will guess but it wasn't always accurate). the window for ovulation is anywhere from 12-24 hours so it's really beneficial to know exactly when that is so you don't miss the opportunity. real sexy. "hey! sometime today, before we put mouth guards and invisalign retainers in, we've got to make this baby. but remember i'll need to allot time for hanging upside down too."

are you taking prenatal vitamins? yes! when i first started taking them, i was inconsistent. i took them maybe four times a week. my friend very loudly and adamantly scolded me about how taking prenatals is the easiest way to prevent spina bifida and that if i don't take them consistently, i may have a baby that won't ever walk. like, damn girl. dramatic, or what? ooookay! so i changed my daily alarm from "antibaby" (which was my birth control alarm) to "anti spina bifs!" (which is my prenatal vitamin alarm). i'm not picky about which ones i use. i just take whatever one i happen to run into at the store when i run out. edit: i was taking the horse pill kind but i've recently switched to gummies and it has changed my life!

got any tricks? aside from the ol' prop your pelvis up and basically hang upside down for 20 minutes after sex, i've got none. they say it doesn't really matter though. a strong swimmer will make it's way whether gravity helps it or not. iiii say why not give the little dudes even just an inch of decreased swim distance if you can. help 'em out, y'know? just throw a pillow under you or use that wall to help you get into some inversion yoga moves and hang out for a bit. it can't hurt.

when did you find out you were pregnant? about a day or so after the fertilized egg would have implanted (approximately seven days after ovulation), i felt lightheaded for a few hours. i'm pretty aware of my body and i never ever feel lightheaded, even if i'm dehydrated. so i googled whether that was a symptom of implantation. i found that plenty of women on forums said that they felt lightheaded around the same time and a couple weeks later they tested positive on a home pregnancy test. i used a home pregnancy test seven days after i felt lightheaded and tested positive with a verrrrrry faint line. the next couple days i took tests again and all of them tested positive. i technically knew i was pregnant around 3 weeks and 3 days. crazy, huh?

and that's that. boom. life, changed.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

current hobby: growing a human

*written on May 13, 2017


it's true.

the one person who is known to give zero fucks about whether your growing child is the size of an eggplant this week is growing one of her own. yikes, right?

i realize the irony in the fact that i'm currently writing a blog post about my future child. who am i to side eye an instagram feed saturated with multiple pictures of a baby/child in the same moment taken split seconds of each other yet have the balls to start writing about my own prenatal experiences? yikes again. the good news is you can completely avoid it or read at your own discretion.

i've decided to pick up writing in this blog again because this is a huge turning point in my life (and Ted's too of course). i'd like to sort of document it for my future self and for our future kid to potentially view what it was like in mom's eyes to go through the process of child rearing. also, half of this kid's sets of grandparents live on the other side of the country and i'm positive they'd like to experience this with us (lookin' at you Momma Lin). so here goes another shot at blogging.

as i'm writing, i'm currently sitting at the later end of five weeks. i haven't even seen an ultrasound that shows evidence of a growing embryo. there isn't a heartbeat yet. but what i do know now is that nausea is kicking in, i'm more sensitive to sound, and have noticed slightly less chill in my demeanor. poor Ted eagerly read off multiple menu items to order and i snapped back because he wasn't giving me time to process the menu on my own without annoyingly barking 'how about this' and 'how about that.' to be fair though, that could've just been hanger talking through me.

aside from these symptoms, there isn't much happening. so long as things fly smoothly over the next few weeks, this blog post will be making it to your eyes and i'll start writing in this blog again.

wish us luck! fingers crossed for a happy healthy baby and a happy healthy me.