Cameron Noah Lin graced our world (Ted and my world. don't worry, i'm not an egomaniac enough to think our new son is a grace to your world) on January 13, 2018 at 1:10am in the morning and this is his birth story.
this may be boring or TMI for some people but hey, i'm doing this so that i can look back on this years from now and tell Cam what a whirlwind his early days were like and for myself too. just because. it's my blog. i'll do what i want!
i’ll start by saying i’m really in tune with my body. i notice when things are changing, different or in transition just because i’m hyper aware and like to be in control of my body. so on thursday, january 11th i started to take note that i was experiencing what’s known as the ‘bloody show." this is discharge mixed with tinges or streaks of blood and it's a sign that your cervix is softening and your body is breaking capillaries while it’s at it. this happened throughout the day. then around midday i realized that i started having contractions. not braxton hicks contractions because whatever version of those i’ve had through my pregnancy have been exceptionally mild and felt almost just like a tightness around my abdomen. these real, yet not painful, contractions came at random and were hours apart so i didn’t take it very seriously. and then in the early afternoon i started having achy back pains. back aches, mild contractions and bloody show. all of these symptoms added up to beginning very very early labor as you can have these symptoms for a few days before going into any kind of active labor.
the next morning, friday, january 12, around 7am i woke up and immediately felt the same contractions i had from the day before. while i was social mediaing in bed i realized that they were like half an hour apart. i told Ted that feeling those along with maintaining the same symptoms from the day before made me think that i was going into early labor and that it would probably progress and we'd be at the hospital by the next day. as the morning went on i went on the internets and read that when women go into early labor it's best to take your mind off of it. find something to do to take your mind off of it. i decided that if this was gonna happen and i was headed to the hospital within a day or so and i should keep myself busy, i should probably bake. something i love to do but haven't been doing very much of. and i like to multitask so i figured that if i was going to have labor & delivery nurses and postpartum nurses taking care of me, they deserved to have some of these goodies.
i spent the rest of the day making peanut butter caramels, chocolate espresso caramels and chocolate hazelnut cookies. i figured that it would take time to cut the caramels and wrap them, which would keep my mind off of the contractions if they started to get stronger and longer. i kept myself busy with that and didn't really notice the contractions until about 3pm when they started to become more consistent (15 mins apart). soon enough they were 12 mins apart around 5pm. then 6 mins apart around 630-7pm. at this point i started to actually feel some discomfort from the contractions. they were probably like mild period cramps (4 or 5:10 pain scale), but i don't actually cramp during that time so i couldn't really tell you accurately. i called labor & delivery and they told me to to stay home and wait it out. i asked if i should come in when they were around 4 mins apart and they were like "or 3." sure. why not. but then quickly the contractions went from 6 mins apart to 4mins apart within 30 mins (730pm) and were a 5 or 6:10 pain scale). that's when i knew this was going to happen TONIGHT....or tomorrow but OH SHIT! i thought we had like another day but nope. this kid wants OUT! i had Ted call L&D for me and told him to tell them we are coming in now and we are NOT leaving if they think i'm not 'ready.'
as we we got to the hospital (Kaiser San Francisco, where i work) and our friggin ER is up a friggin hill that is ridiculous for anybody who actually needs access to the ER. whoever decided to put the ER on a hill is a jackass! anyhow, we walked up the hill and i had to stop at least twice because the contractions were getting pretty fucking painful at this point. someone came in to check me and said that i was 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced (cervix softened) and that i could already get an epidural. one of the nurses was like "whoa! i didn't think you were so far along! you seem so stoic when you're contracting." yeah, girl! i don't like looking vulnerable, you know? i'm just like that. anyway, the doctor said she thought i was going to be birthing a child the next morning or later the next day.
so around 12am someone comes to check my progress and i'm 6cm dilated. then at 1220 i'm 7cm dilated, which is a pretty fast transition. i mean, i know i'm efficient like that in my normal life, but who knew my cervix was crazy efficient too. slow down, man! so the doctor leaves and says she'll be back soon to check me again. at 1240am i'm now 10cm dilated! TEN! from 7 to 10 in 20 minutes! that's like sprinting. i don't want to sprint!
as all of this is happening, someone keeps coming in periodically to check my baby's heart rate because either the monitor is shifting and not picking it up or something is up. but everybody was super calm so i was thinking 'meh. they know what's up. they'd tell me if something were going on.' turns out that with each contraction the baby's heart rate would drop to levels that weren't okay. at this point i'm already on the epidural because those contractions are no. effing. joke! i can't feel my legs or the contractions at all and it's like a miracle. a couple of nurses came to rotate me because they think it's positional. then more people come in the room and they keep turning me on my left side then to my right and back to my left. nothing is changing. his heart rate kept dropping. i'm calm because i know these people know what they're doing and i'm okay with whatever needs to happen so long as i get to go home with a healthy baby. i checked with Ted and he seemed okay. i think it was all happening so fast that it was sort of just a blur and we were down with whatever needed to happen.
a doctor comes in and tells me that we're going to break my water and put a monitor on his head to see if his heart rate is indeed dropping as much as they think it was. sure. do what you gotta do. then she tells me that the heart rate isn't getting better with position and that they are going to fill my sack back up with water to relieve pressure or something along those lines. not really sure. at this point i'm just nodding my head and putting all my faith in the people who are there. i trust them. what else could i do anyway? our care was in their hands. so they fill me up and nothing changes. all of this turning and moving and water breaking then refilling happens pretty quickly. probably within 15 minutes but i can't tell what is happening because i'm on drugs and in a haze.
quickly after that they tell me that because i'm fully dilated and the baby's head is up against my pelvis already that i am technically ready to push. but that it might be dangerous to let me do that because with each push his heart rate would drop and it might not be worth it to let that happen. so they say it might be a c-section or i can push but we'd do it in the OR just in case they need to do an emergency c-section. and i'm like "okay. whatever is fine." so we're headed to the OR and as we're rolling towards the doors i hear "yeah, it's probably going to be a c-section." cool. let's just get this going so we're all okay soon.
someone tells me we're doing a c-section and that i'd be getting some anesthesia but i'd be awake the whole time. i'd feel pressure and pulling when they pull the baby out but no pain. okay. still cool. i'm chill. totally know that i'm going to be fine. not a problem. do what you gotta do. Ted came in to hold my hand and for a moment i thought it was just some random person because he'd put this glasses on and he was masked at that point. it took me a moment to realize it was even him. some pulling and 20 minutes later, Cameron was here! at 1:10am. at some point someone says "hey dad, do you want to see the uterus?" huh? is this standard protocol or....?? Ted was like "oh. i don't know." but then it piqued my interest and i was like "what1?! iiiii want to see my uterus! can he take a picture of it for me?" so he did. and it is weeeeeeiirrd. i know what a uterus is supposed to look like under x-ray but man, after having a kid grow in there it's HUGE and so bizarre. they took another 30-40 minutes to shove my uterus back in and that was that! we had a kid!
but to tell you honestly, that moment that people have when they know their kid has finally made it here after nine months of patiently waiting and they can't help themselves but to cry and feel all the feels was left behind for me. i didn't know too much about c-sections because i never thought i was going to have one. so while they were still stitching me up i started to shake and grind my teeth and i didn't know why. apparently it's just a thing and it is worse if you try to fight it. but my neck, shoulders and jaw are always sort of tight (hence the resting bitch face) and i couldn't relax. so they put Cameron on me for some skin-to-skin and i was convulsing while my new, soft, awesome kid was experiencing his first earthquake on me. as he was on me, i found it sort of hard to breathe because he was 7lbs 10oz on my anesthetized chest. and also, the sterile drape was about five inches from my face. it was a really weird experience. i was so elated that our son was born but also, i felt claustrophobic. after feeling that way for about 15 minutes i asked Ted to take him. i had the shakes for probably 2 1/2 hrs in the recovery room and it was intense. i felt like i had no control over myself, not to mention my legs were still numb from the epidural AND my chest from the boobs down were numb as well. i really wanted to fully invest all of myself into my child who'd been with me for nine months but i couldn't focus outside of my shaking upper body. Ted had Cameron, so i knew he was okay.
so that's it! that's how Cameron Noah Lin made it into our arms. and a day or so after he was born, i was laying in the hospital bed doing some skin-to-skin action in the wee hours of the morning when he popped his head up and opened both of his eyes 'looking' at me (not really though. they can't see much at this point actually) and i just melted. i started uncontrollably crying the most happy tears i've ever shed in my life. i'm attached. he is my world!
dimples on both siiiiiiiiides!!!
** i just want to take a second to say that labor and delivery nurses and postpartum nurses, along with all of the doctors and people that had a hand in our c-section kick so much ass! from labor to the time you are discharged, you're in the most vulnerable state you can be in. everything you are experiencing is foreign and some of it is gross. all of it is overwhelming and one terrible staff member could leave you with a different memory of your stay. the people at Kaiser SF were fucking awesome! i hope they enjoyed their caramels and cookies!
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