no poker face

the thing with not having a poker face is that you can always tell what my internal reactions are. whether it's something slight like disliking the taste of a food or questioning if what someone said was valid, it shows on my face. if i think something is hysterical, you can tell because my hearty laugh comes out. and if something is moderately funny, a smile and a light "hehe" might arise. there's never a time when i'm not being exactly who i feel i am at any given moment.

it must be my inability to be dishonest that makes this the case. whatever my mood, i am never pretending. i've always been known to be legit. real. honest. and even though sometimes the things that i say seem a tad harsh, it's always my truth. if you know me, you know me no other way. to my knowledge i've never been thought of as fake or overly polite. as an example, my friends know that i don't particularly think newborn babies are cute and i would never look at even my best friend's baby and utter the words "he/she is so cute" because that would be false. i might say "he/she is so tiny  has a lot of hair  looks healthy  has all ten fingers and toes looks to have the potential of cuteness in it's near future," but if the baby isn't indeed cute at that very moment, i'll compliment something that is accurate and of truth. this type of honesty has clearly translated into my facial expressions and/or body language as well.

lately i haven't been my normal self and it's driving me a little crazy. because of this, i've become a bit disengaged. things that i typically might find funny are of less hilarity. nonsensical subjects that come up in conversation usually carry on for lengths of time because why not entertain these subjects purely for the sake of entertainment? but in recent time i find myself not caring to be entertained. i'm waiting for the day when i feel like my normal self and those around me see me again. but don't worry, i know that in due time it's coming.