oh shit i'm in the 3rd trimester!

good god the terrible lighting does not help in pic #3!

hiii!!! i'm fully engulfed in third trimesterdom now standing at 29 weeks. that means i've really only got about two and a half months left before i pop this kid out of me. interestingly enough though, the thought of it makes me feel at ease for some reason. yeah, i know that in a few months this thing is going to take over my life, drain me and change me as a person but tell you the truth, it's sorta already been doing that. every single day most of my conversations regard some aspect of pregnancy or impending motherhood and the physical changes have already taken over much of my freedom.

speaking of which...just look at that crazy 28 week balloon belly! this shit is getting out of hand, man! the difference between 20 and 28 weeks is astonishing! i'm becoming a blob of a human being having gained somewhere between 23-26 lbs already depending on whether we're referencing the doctor's scale or my at-home scale. just to humor myself, we'll just say it's 23 so i don't go into panic mode. you guys. my jawline is legit becoming a distant memory and i swear that i can see my cheeks with peripheral vision. as i said, out. of. controooooolllll!!! along with that, i've started to get leg cramps in the middle of the night which is apparently a thing. who friggin knew? for a couple of days it actually instilled some fear of sleeping. like, should i sleep today and walk like a stiff legged zombie tomorrow or should i be a cloudy headed, sleep deprived zombie but one that doesn't look like it's walking on stilts? in this third trimester i'm already beginning to feel the sleepiness and can't imagine how much harder that's going to get. i can definitely feel the difference in weight when i'm walking but so far i don't think i'm penguin walking yet. that's my goal though. 1. pop this baby out safely. 2. DO. NOT. WADDLE, REG!!!  aside from that, the second trimester was a breeze and the third isn't so terrible so far.

the little man is moving around all the live long day too. as of just a couple of days ago i began to be able to differentiate when he's hiccuping and when he's just rolling around in there. the movements are pretty frequent now and sometimes they're strong enough that i pause from whatever i'm doing to let my innards fall back into place. such a weird feeling. don't get me wrong now, i'm grateful to be able to recognize that the baby is alive and well with evidence in the form of movement but to be honest, sometimes it's a little annoying. it's been a really hot fall season in the Bay Area and sometimes when all i want to do is veg out and be still, this animal is rolling around inside me and it's slightly unsettling. i've heard that people miss this feeling when the baby is out. i'm not sure that i will but never say never.

oh! and we've picked out a name! he's going to be Cameron Noah Lin. unless he makes his grand entrance and we're like "wait, you're not Cameron! who the hell are you!?!" but i've always loved the name Cameron and we're referring to him as Cam on a daily basis so i'm fairly certain we won't be changing his name. as for choosing his name, Cameron has been the top contender for me for years before i ever even thought of having a child. through the naming process Ted came to me with a ton of random names. some of which i was okay with and some of which were solid nos. but at some point i was like "hey man, do you love love looooove any of these names or what? because if you don't and you like Cameron, then there isn't really any question here right? let's not waste anybody's time with sorta-likes when all parties know that i'm not budging from Cameron unless there is something equi-awesome you can bring to the table." so that was that.

alright friends, that's it for now! byeee!

being annoyed with me for being pregnant makes you look like an asshole, Asshole!

usually when people find out you're pregnant they are extra nice to you. or this is what i hear anyway. seats magically begin to appear on buses and extra hands show up to help you lift heavy things. for the most part, i've found this to be true. extra snacks find their way to me and helping hands are voluntarily available. it's been nice but also a little hard for me to allow help from every end because i try to maintain my independence overall. but this past saturday i was caught off guard when someone was a complete dick to me because i was pregnant. what kind of ass backwards shit is that?

so here's what happened.

but first some background info: i'm an x-ray and ct tech. when i work the weekend swing shift, it's just me and one other person doing the work. the other person i'm working with happens to also be pregnant, so we're just two women working very physical jobs while simultaneously housing and growing real life human beings. our job is to take x-rays and ct scans for the radiologists to read. we call patients over from the ER and someone brings them to us. when we're finished, we call them back and someone comes to bring the patients back to the ER. keep in mind these patients are on gurneys or wheelchairs and there is a ramp from the radiology department to the ER. very often, the ER is busy and when we can, we will bring the patients back to the ER to help them out because we try to be helpful and not petty.

this past weekend was a crazy real example of how global warming is showing it's face. san francisco reached upwards of 100 degrees, which is UNHEARD of. this meant that patients were coming into the ER left and right because of heat related issues. almost allllllllll of the patients were elderly (i'm talking 80+ years old) and dehydrated. this meant they couldn't move themselves. this also meant that we then have to move patients from their gurney to the ct or xray tables. these people are dead weight and we're in america, so of course plenty of them were upwards of 180lbs to boot. as i'm now five months pregnant, i can feel the baby move around in me and straining while moving patients from place to place is getting harder. saturday was CRAZY BUSY so everybody was frantically trying to get things done in the hospital.

exchange over the phone with the ER:

me: hey it's regina, can i have a pickup (patient pickup) in x-ray please?
ER nurse: we're really busy, can you bring them back for us?
me: no, i'm sorry. it's really busy here too and we're both pregnant so we can't keep pushing people back.
ER nurse (with attitude): well sorry you're pregnant. it's going to be a long time before we can get to them then. they're going to have to wait a long time...but sorry you're pregnant!
me: oooooookay. they'll be here when you're ready to send someone.

WHAT IN THE MOTHER FUCK? sorry you're pregnant? as if my being pregnant is a nuisance? it isn't in my job description to bring patients back to the ER you Asshole. have we done it in the past? yes. but considering you're a nurse, you do know that pregnant people are supposed to provide nurturing environments for a human being to develop don't you? sorry [sarcastic as fuck "sorry," that is] it's a shit show over in the ER and you are all running around trying to catch up with the influx of patients but if it's busy over there then it's fucking busy over here too. the busyness in the ER directly correlates to the busyness in radiology you twat! the two of us pregnant women are handling our shit by doing all the x-rays and cts in a timely manner so your side can handle your shit! don't take it out on me because you don't like that pregnant women shouldn't be pushing gurneys and wheelchairs up ramps with 200lb patients on them. didn't you come out of a mom once upon a time? last i checked, mothers are the only way people  even exist on this planet. don't you hope that your mother wasn't asked to strain herself when she was growing your insensitive-not-understanding-dick-of-a-person-self?

the worst part is i'm pretty certain i know who he is. he's usually a pretty nice nurse. i'm sure he was just struggling to keep up with the patients and was reaching for a helping hand. and usually i would. but right now i can't, dude. i'm physically working and physically growing another person at the same damn time so don't be a fucking prick. it just makes you look like an asshole, Asshole!

diet and exercise while pregs

so how has pregnancy affected my diet and exercise? 

when you're pregnant, you are expected to eat healthy and be careful. don't eat anything under cooked. be aware of nitrates in food. you can't have soft/unpasteurized cheese. that fish has mercury in it! lox, meringue, hollandaise are a no! sprouts? no, you can't have those either. forget that runny egg that makes everything so luscious. don't bend over. no jumping, mmkay? hand me that ten pound bag of groceries, you shouldn't be lifting heavy things. like...forreal?

diet and exercise has always been at the forefront of my adult life. but really, literally and figuratively, diet takes the cake. i would say that approximately 50% of my day is consumed (punny, right?) with thoughts of what's for lunch and dinner, what new restaurants or bakeries have popped up recently, what's on today's foodgawker.com or SF Eater, etc. i'm so food obsessed that if i've left the house before work early enough and i have ten minutes to spare, i detour towards a bakery...not because i don't already have breakfast packed and ready to eat, but because a chocolate croissant always sounds like a good idea. this is where exercise comes in. while exercise obviously has it's heart health, stress release, strength maintaining, osteoporosis supressing and energy generating benefits, i mostly attribute exercise with counteracting all of the eating i do. 

diet

as i've stated in previous posts, i am not a crazy cautious mom. i don't think that eating salami is going to kill my unborn child or a meal of medium rare wagyu is something to panic over. if people are that concerned about the listed food items you "shouldn't" eat while pregnant, they should absolutely tack on all of the processed foods that have cancer causing treatments and ingredients in them as well. but because it's recommended and there's an ass ton of judgment out there, i've significantly cut down on eating things on the 'do not eat' list. have i had some soft cheeses, salami sandwiches and caesar salads? you bet your ass i have. but i'm not going out for sushi and i'm eating burgers sans fried egg with runny yolk, so there's my sacrifice.

i have a real love/hate relationship with food. for me, it's hard finding a solid 'everything in moderation' healthy type standing with food. i've always been an all or nothing type person with it. either i'm eating anything i want for months at a time or i'm on a regimented low carb, calorie counting diet. it's not the best way to go about it but real talk...that's just how it's been. that being said, people always speculated that the moment i got pregnant i'd completely let go of any healthy eating sensibilities and turn into Jabba the Hutt overnight. to be honest, i've definitely been eating mostly whatever i want whenever i want but i haven't been crazy overeating. a friend of mine called dibs on taking me to a buffet to watch me devour inconceivable amounts of food but really, i've been eating quantities as a normal person would. i try not to overdo eating muffins and bagels for breakfast but i've also consistently eaten more carbs over the last few months than i have in years. so far i'm not a gigantic blob, so i think i'm doing okay. and i still enjoy eating fruits and veggies so this kid is getting some kind of nutrients.

exercise

when i got pregnant i wanted to ensure that i was able to stay active and live a fairly healthy lifestyle. i've been working out all of my adult life and wanted to maintain strength, flexibility and capability through my pregnancy. they say that staying fit throughout your pregnancy makes the birthing process and recovery easier so why wouldn't i want to contribute to that? my OB told me that as far as exercise goes, i should be doing a lot of walking and isolated strength training moves while avoiding ab exercises. buuuuut even isolated strength training moves involve tightening your abs and core soooo...?? not to sound like a broken record, but i just naturally can't be an overly cautious mom. only i know my body and what i can handle. i've always been very aware of my myself and can tell when a maneuver doesn't feel right or i've even slightly tweaked a muscle. i know when i'm straining or whether or not i'm pushing myself too hard. i've read that if your body is used to a certain way of training, it's okay to continue to do so in pregnancy. i mean, Selena Williams won the Australia Open while pregnant and i think she's doing just fine. so in my pregnancy, i've decided to go about my normal workout routines, only modifying when i feel i need to. 

i've been working out at The Fitness Tech with Gary and Eric for the past year and a half now doing circuit training type workouts. before starting at TFT i did a similar type workout with a different company for three years, so my body is pretty used to working out this way. lately TFT has focused on a MWF strength training and TTh cardio and soft tissue training circuit. i average four days of working out with them and fit in some cardio once or twice a week. typically i do TFT on monday, tuesday, wednesday and friday. on mondays i jog or walk three miles or so and when the weather is decent, i walk during my lunch breaks at work. Gary and Eric have been great about asking me if i need any modifications or checking in to make sure i'm doing okay but so far i haven't done that much modifying. i've decreased my weights some and as of a couple weeks ago i've stopped doing anything that folds me in half like v-ups or ball crunches but i still do ab exercises as far as core stuff or planks go. as for running, i've gone from a 9:30-10:30 minute mile to an 11-11:30 minute mile. with the added 14 lbs i've packed on, i definitely avoid pull ups, but let's be real...i was never doing a real pull up anyway. 

below is an example of what i do on a weekly basis. this is last week's workout:

no modifications except for  lowered weights

goblet squats at 44 lbs (used to do 60 lbs)

hip hinges at 60 lbs (used to do 80 lbs)

floor press at 20 lbs (used to do 25 lbs)

dumbell curls at 20 lbs

dumbell lateral raise at 8lbs

+ jog 3 miles at Crystal Springs Reservoir

no modifications

deadlifts at 100 lbs (used to do 145 lbs)

instead of pull ups i do pull downs with a band

1 arm press at 17.5 lbs

hammer curls at 17.5 lbs

instead of ball crunches i do core presses with a band

sled drag at 200 lbs (not sure what i could pull before but it was definitely more than 200 lbs)

kettle bell curls at 30 lbs

kettle bell upright rows at 35 lbs (used to do 44 lbs)

bent over rows at 17.5 lbs

instead of 90/45 crunches i do chops with a band

with pregnancy your ligaments begin to loosen and stretch and your center of gravity shifts. i'm sure at some point my exercise will end up being just a whole lot of walking but for now i'll just keep doing what i'm doing. i'm hoping this prepares me for an easier birth and post birth bounce back.

half way there!

you guys! i'm HALF FREAKING WAY to being responsible for a real life child's well being! that is insane!! on wednesday, august 30, i'll officially be 20 weeks in. that's approximately five months. actually, i don't get the whole month count thing. 36 weeks is supposedly 9 months but if 40 weeks is supposed to be the totality of gestation, then all i know is that 20 is half of 40. whew. good to know i still know basic math this tech-crazed-day in age. 

1st trimester

let's talk first trimester. holy shit that was not fun. i'm pretty aware of my body and emotions. people might say that i'm typically lacking on the emotion front and i totally get it. but i just equate that to being really logical and analytical about things before throwing out gut reactions. in the first trimester, however, i could sense some change in my emotions and body. i started feeling pretty crappy really early on (around week 4). around the clock, for 24 hours a day, i felt nausea but not so bad that it made me want to vomit (thank god!). i also just felt sort of tired like i was coming down with the flu or something. food didn't taste good and meat was a turn off (not that meat is a turn on, but i'm definitely not usually mostly vegetarian). the food thing is a real bummer for someone who lives to eat. to be dramatic, it was like i lost a piece of myself! i just lacked any kind of feeling or caring about anything. because i was feeling so crappy, i started to become somewhat antisocial. instead of making plans to see friends, i just wanted to be home in a horizontal position, watching tv and ignoring Ted and the dogs. oh! and my skin also turned to shit. once upon a time i was the person with nearly flawless, smooth, even skin and now it's like i've got brail written all over my face. fun times for my vanity [insert shifty eye emoji]. 

during most of those first three months, we kept the pregnancy quiet for just-in-case reasons and this added to the shittiness at the time. i couldn't tell anybody why i was being more quiet and i didn't want to let anything on so i had to pretend like everything was normal when i felt like complete crap every. minute. of. every. day. because i wasn't able to talk about it openly, i noticed that i started to get irritated more easily. one day after work, i was walking the dogs as i usually do. i let Waggly (my favorite pup) off leash and he started looking for gophers as he usually does. i kept walking and eventually when i was far enough away i called his name. then i called it again. and again. and again about ten more times but he wouldn't pull his head out of a hole in the grass. so then i started to get really frustrated with him because all i wanted to do was go home and lay down and he was delaying that for me. i marched over to him, started  yelling his name more sternly and when he wouldn't move, i threw a bag of his own poop at him. lucky for him, i do not have a great throwing arm so it landed three feet away from him, but it was enough to startle him and get his head out of the hole. this was definitely a realization moment for me about my changing hormones. i would never throw poop at my favorite dog! but alas, i did!

because this was how i felt literally 24 hours a day (subtract sleep time only because you're unconscious but i swear if i woke up to pee i could feel the nausea), i started to feel a little depressed. it was almost like having some chronic illness but instead of being able to just accept that this would be my every day, i knew there was an end date, which almost made it worse. it's like when i'm on a juice cleanse, i know that for three days i won't be able to eat so instead of letting hanger's bitchiness take over, i just suck up the stomach pains and don't take it out on the world. but once day 2.75 rolls around and you know you're going to be able to eat in .25 days, you start getting cranky and acting out. luckily all of this lasted for about seven or eight weeks and by the end of week 11, it was all mostly gone. hallelujah! and good riddance! 

2nd trimester

now let's talk current day. in my second trimester, i feel friggin great! nausea is gone, my energy is back and i feel like myself again. food actually tastes good and my hormones are in check. my skin still sucks but i can live with where it's at for now. hopefully this changes post baby though. fingers crossed. 

as you know, we're having a boy. we've picked out a name and have shared it with people, but we'll keep it off the blog for now just in case he comes out and we're like "uhh...he doesn't really look like a ____." even though he's a he, i still refer to him as 'it' because that's just how i do. as of 18 weeks and 5 days, i started to feel the little dude move around inside my belly. it's pretty subtle right now. people say it feels like a flutter, but i think it feels more like a non painful muscle spasm. feeling him move around makes it more real for sure, but now when i don't feel him for long periods of time i get a little sense of concern. this is new for me as i've been pretty chill about being pregnant in general. it's not like i go into panic mode or anything but the thought of losing the baby does cross my mind. pretty sure that's normal though. i'm not an overly cautious pregnant person, but more on that another time. 

as far as physical changes, you can see from the picture above that the baby belly is starting to make it's grand entrance into this world. i still don't feel like i look that pregnant. i think people might just look at me and think i'm gaining carb weight still. i'm not really happy about the state of my second chin also making a grand entrance into this world, but whatcha gonna do. as of today i've gained approximately 14 lbs, which i'm okay with. if i can help it, i'd like to max out at 25 lbs at 40 weeks but we'll see how my wishful thinking goes as i continue to eat pizza and nachos. otherwise, my skin still sucks, my nipples/boobs are doing what they're apparently supposed to, my hair seems slightly thicker (though it's not growing as quickly as i'd like), my nails seem stronger, my belly's hairs seem a little darker (weirrrrrrrd. i didn't ever even realize i had any but here tada! they're here), and that's about it. i don't have heartburn or stretch marks. i don't have cravings. i'm exercising like i normally do (mostly anyway, but more on that in the next post). 

so far this second trimester rocks! i wouldn't say that i'm the mom that loves being pregnant or feels super connected to her baby but it's definitely an experience i wouldn't trade for the world. i am grateful to have been able to get pregnant and carry our baby without having any complications thus far.

alright, little man. just keep on keepin' on, mmmkay?

unsolicited baby advice #2

so i'm in a taxi on my way to the airport in Las Vegas for the 4th of July weekend. i notice the driver has a very distinct African accent so i ask where he's from and how long he's been in America. gaaaaaawwwwwdd!!! i sound like a real patriotic asshole american now that i sit here and realize i did this on the actual 4th of July as if it matters where he's from or how long he's been in 'Murica. anyhow the answers are Nigeria and "long story. twenty years ago i came and delivered babies in the Bay Area where you're from. i stayed for two years then went back to Nigeria for twenty years as a doctor. now i'm back and my license to practice in America expired so i have to do some residency stuff again." he tells me he worked at Kaiser in Oakland, which is where i did part of my clinical portion of x-ray school. i usually avoid conversation with people in a general sense but this opens doors to the more social part of me. we get to talking and i tell him that i'm just finishing up my first trimester. i think that he's going to tell me some really sound, awesome advice considering he's a doctor that's delivered babies for decades. or maybe even some really unique advice out of Nigeria.

"you have to promise me one thing. it's very important. when you have a baby and it starts to crawl sometimes you are boiling water. you are boiling water and you canNOT spill it on your baby. you have to do this one very important thing and it is to look behind you if you are boiling water. if you spill boiling water on your baby it is a very bad thing. is it a boy or a girl? if it's a boy and you spill boiling water on him he will still find a wife but if it's a girl it will be very hard for her to find a husband if she is burned. i had a friend who spilled a pot of boiling water on his child because he did not look back and it was not good. so promise me this one thing. you have to do it. look before you boil water to see where your child is."

verdict: valid. okay. got it. so you're saying do not spill boiling water on a baby. whew. really happy you told me that, dude. geez, what if i'd never met you? i would have just kept spilling hot ass water on my baby all willy nilly and potentially ruined her future with a husband. but then again if it's a boy i guess i could be a little more lax about spillage.

baby Ausum

it seems like nowadays new moms and dads end up finding a nickname for their little almost-human immediately after finding out the pregnancy even exists.  i guess it's a way to feel connected to the kid and to make it more real as it journeys into forming a brain, limbs, innards, etc. i know a lot of people call their fetus Peanut and i've heard Gummy Bear, Walnut and Moose among people i know.

i'm about four and a half months pregnant now and for lack of a less specific and scientific name i just kept calling it Future Baby (note: i'm aware that it's a boy, yet i still call him 'it.' it's just in my unmotherly nature, okay? hopefully that'll change soon. ha!). truth be told, i still don't feel too attached to it because i can't feel anything yet. so far it's still all very sciency to me and i haven't found the connection that i know some moms feel instantly. maybe that's why i haven't given it a name yet. moms out there calm down. don't get all sad for me. i'm not sad about it and i'm very happy to be pregnant.

this weekend some friends and i were talking about naming the baby. we discussed how Filipino people love to make a blend of  the mom's name and dad's name to create a new name (ex. Jaden+Evelyn=Jaedelyn). no thanks. or how people love to take a standard name but change the vowel or throw in an extra letter or two to make their kid's name 'unique' (ex. Michelle turns into Misheyl. probably not a real one but i'm exaggerating here to make a point).  also, no thanks.

we talked about how Ted's instagram name is tedisawesome and mine is always__awesome. we talked about how when we met via okcupid, my screen name was always_awesome and one of Ted's first messages to me was a link for iamawesome.com. when we got married, we found it appropriate to hashtag our wedding with #thelinsareawesome. we pretty much bombard people with the idea that we are awesome. obnoxious, i know. so much so that people are also buying us baby things that say "awesome" on it.

while talking about all of this, someone said we should name the kid Awesome or make it a middle name. ___ Awesome Lin sorta has a ring to it. we thought it was funny and ridiculous for a while. then we threw around the idea that we'd have to spell it differently to be even more unique and stupid. it'd have to be spelled a-u-s-u-m to make it over the top. this is all probably not that funny now but at the time i'll assure you that we were all on the same page about it's ridiculousness. so since we hadn't given Future Baby and official nickname yet, we decided that before he is born, Ausum it is!

we're having a.....

what do you want? a boy or a girl?-- this has been asked every single day for the past few weeks by anybody who found out i was pregnant. i was pretty neutral about whether we had a boy or a girl for our first child but when #2 rolls around i'll be more preferential.  we'll be happy either way but the idea of a nuclear family with one boy, one girl and a dog would be great. 

we've got four girls who are under 4 years old in my extended family and i've imagined family trips, christmases and sleepovers being a friggin blast with five girls hanging out and giggling all night long. but then again i've got a cousin that i consider one of my best friends and i can envision our kids growing up together as close as we are. she's got a little boy and i would love for two boys to be the best of buds as well. Ted on the other hand preferred to have a girl first. he's always gotten along really well with women. in fact, most of his friends are women or was the woman first and then he'd adopt their boyfriends/husbands as friends second. but mostly i think he wants the daddy's girl relationship. 

working in the medical field, i'm lucky to have access to seeing the baby all the time, which is a god send. i can always hop in and ask to see the heartbeat or make sure things are looking good. i can't even imagine how much more stressful the gestation period could be if you don't have that option. anyhow, i couldn't wait for our anatomy ultrasound so i decided to find out early. i made sure to video chat Ted so we could find out together. 

aaaand....

it's a boy! check out that little pein i'm growing right now. there's a pretty solid helmet, if i do say so myself. haha! so now i'm currently the owner of a penis and a vagina. crass, i know. but you know me by now, don't you? 

if i'm being honest, the moment i heard we were having a boy, there were a few moments when i thought "but what if it were a girl instead." grass is always greener, huh? but just for a moment. when i think about it, i've always wanted boys for my pets and i'm sort of more like a dude myself in general. i'm wrapping my mind around the idea that our house is going to be overrun by boys and penises. Ted, two dogs and now i've got one of my own. haha! 

i don't want to get fat!

me: my greatest fear is the whole getting fat thing

laura (sister in law): i think that's every new mom's fear

jeremy (brother): well you've had a lot of practice though

fucking asshole! 

not everybody may know this but like many women i've got a real scared-to-be-fat complex. it stems from my childhood as a 'fat kid'. if you've followed my blog before you may remember these chronicles of a chunk, ii, iii. there are more in these chronicles but i think that's enough sample evidence for you. 

i'm not quite as concerned with the aftermath of birth because as i stand today, i don't intend on keeping the baby weight. i have always made time to exercise and eat healthy when needed and i'm waaaaay too self conscious to allow myself to pack it on and keep it there. i've got twentyish years of constant mental and physical practice trying no to be a complete chub so i'm hoping to keep it that way. yeah yeah yeah, i know all the moms out there are laughing out loud and shaking their heads at me. "muahaha...you'll never find time to workout or even cook healthy meals for that matter. you'll be fluffier forever." well damn, just let me live in my head for a little while longer okay? i'm already fearful that the single pair of $130 high waist jeans (i never spend that kind of money on jeans but thought i'd treat myself before getting pregs. a month later i started growing a human. what a waste. pun intended) will never ever fit my inevitably expanding hips. let's not even mention future knee pains and lower extremity swelling. tell me why i'm doing this again?

slight change in body but also 5: sports bra, 12: regular bra. those have not grown.
...and on another note, this is a testament to how good dry shampoo works too, eh?

it may be a little hard to tell but between weeks 5 and 12, there's a slight change in my midsection. the worst part is i'm almost 100% certain that 0% of that is actually any evidence of a growing mammal baby. that, my friends, is a pure carbohydrate baby. see between the nausea, increased hormones, physical changes, and irritations i've experienced in this first trimester, i find myself wanting to eat only carbs. and you know what? i'm effing doing it! i usually keep track of how often i eat nutritionless carbs like white rice, pasta, bread and cereal but as of late, that's all i want. mac n cheese, pizza and sandwiches all day. no lies here... it's been mf fun af to eat like a teenager. and like a boss, i've only really gained one pound so far. but i think i can equate that to simultaneously losing muscle while gaining squish. more on that in another post. 

i think that very quickly i'm going to find myself in that awkward place where people sort of just think you're getting chunky. uugggghhh! i am dreading that time period, to say the least. like, i'm not even worried about the whole squeezing an entire human body out of my lower half. i'm more concerned about this growing middle that is going to look like i've got an all-you-can-eat buffet problem i'm trying to disguise. it's a good thing that fashion these days agrees with my pregnancy and flowy, loose fitting clothes are 'in.' i just want to pop already. i'd rather have a taut balloon belly than a doughy tire around my waist.

anyhow, just sitting here waiting it out with chips in hand. 

unsolicited baby advice #1

so i've heard from every single mom-friend that once you're pregnant you are going to receive endless amounts of unsolicited pregnancy and baby advice. i've barely told the world about this condition of mine and lo and behold it's already happening. i thought this might be a good place to share the newfound "knowledge" i pick up from people here and there and also voice whether i think what they have to say is valid or a piece of shit.

first up to bat: i'll start with my grandma. when we told her we were pregnant she (in chinese) said "i'm so happy don't eat pineapple and mango" in one quick breath. like, whoa..how did you even get over the excitement of a fifth great grandchild and jump to advice so soon? she's like a thought process wizard. i asked what the reasoning behind it was because my fruit of choice lately has been pineapple so i need to weigh my choices here. she said that pineapple and mango cause early birth. oh. really? not that i did any research or anything but i'm pretty sure it's like "turkey makes you sleepy" in that i'd probably have to eat like seven hundred pineapples in a day and a half to push this baby out early. and even if i ate seven hundred in a sitting, it'd probably exit because my abdomen would be so full that the kid has nowhere to go but out.

verdict: bullshit, grandma. but you can tell me whatever you want as often as you want because i value that you want to share life experiences and advice with me.

how we got pregnant

no, not the nitty gritty technical stuff, you perv!

plenty of my friends have been parents for years already but i know plenty of people who are either currently trying or will be trying in the near future to conceive. i thought i'd jot down some Q&A stuff in case anybody was curious about any of the following things...

were we trying to get pregnant? yes. i'm 33 and Ted is 37. i've always kept a sort of timeline in the back of my mind about having a child before i'm 35. after 35 developmental concerns rise and they supposedly make you do more testing. i wanted to avoid that if possible because i'm a lazy af and don't want to go in to see anybody more than i have to.

when did you get off birth control? Ted and i got married in early october of last year. on wedding day i didn't have pockets to put my pills in so i just decided to stop then and there. that was about six months before we conceived. i was mostly continuing birth control at that time to make sure my skin was flawless on wedding day anyway. you should see my skin now (12 weeks in). it's a wreck! waaahhh!! -insert cry face emoji-

how long were you trying? hmm...like actually trying, only about 2-3 months. yes, we realize we are blessed in that aspect and that it's not always that easy for others to conceive. we did the "not not trying" thing for around four months but all that meant was that i wasn't on birth control. i had no idea what time frame ovulation even occurred within a cycle during that time.

what did you do to start trying? first, i downloaded the Flo app to start documenting when my periods started and finished. this let me know that i was on a regular cycle. then i started using ovulation sticks so that i knew exactly when i was ovulating (the app will guess but it wasn't always accurate). the window for ovulation is anywhere from 12-24 hours so it's really beneficial to know exactly when that is so you don't miss the opportunity. real sexy. "hey! sometime today, before we put mouth guards and invisalign retainers in, we've got to make this baby. but remember i'll need to allot time for hanging upside down too."

are you taking prenatal vitamins? yes! when i first started taking them, i was inconsistent. i took them maybe four times a week. my friend very loudly and adamantly scolded me about how taking prenatals is the easiest way to prevent spina bifida and that if i don't take them consistently, i may have a baby that won't ever walk. like, damn girl. dramatic, or what? ooookay! so i changed my daily alarm from "antibaby" (which was my birth control alarm) to "anti spina bifs!" (which is my prenatal vitamin alarm). i'm not picky about which ones i use. i just take whatever one i happen to run into at the store when i run out. edit: i was taking the horse pill kind but i've recently switched to gummies and it has changed my life!

got any tricks? aside from the ol' prop your pelvis up and basically hang upside down for 20 minutes after sex, i've got none. they say it doesn't really matter though. a strong swimmer will make it's way whether gravity helps it or not. iiii say why not give the little dudes even just an inch of decreased swim distance if you can. help 'em out, y'know? just throw a pillow under you or use that wall to help you get into some inversion yoga moves and hang out for a bit. it can't hurt.

when did you find out you were pregnant? about a day or so after the fertilized egg would have implanted (approximately seven days after ovulation), i felt lightheaded for a few hours. i'm pretty aware of my body and i never ever feel lightheaded, even if i'm dehydrated. so i googled whether that was a symptom of implantation. i found that plenty of women on forums said that they felt lightheaded around the same time and a couple weeks later they tested positive on a home pregnancy test. i used a home pregnancy test seven days after i felt lightheaded and tested positive with a verrrrrry faint line. the next couple days i took tests again and all of them tested positive. i technically knew i was pregnant around 3 weeks and 3 days. crazy, huh?

and that's that. boom. life, changed.

current hobby: growing a human

*written on May 13, 2017

yep.

it's true.

the one person who is known to give zero fucks about whether your growing child is the size of an eggplant this week is growing one of her own. yikes, right?

i realize the irony in the fact that i'm currently writing a blog post about my future child. who am i to side eye an instagram feed saturated with multiple pictures of a baby/child in the same moment taken split seconds of each other yet have the balls to start writing about my own prenatal experiences? yikes again. the good news is you can completely avoid it or read at your own discretion.

i've decided to pick up writing in this blog again because this is a huge turning point in my life (and Ted's too of course). i'd like to sort of document it for my future self and for our future kid to potentially view what it was like in mom's eyes to go through the process of child rearing. also, half of this kid's sets of grandparents live on the other side of the country and i'm positive they'd like to experience this with us (lookin' at you Momma Lin). so here goes another shot at blogging.

as i'm writing, i'm currently sitting at the later end of five weeks. i haven't even seen an ultrasound that shows evidence of a growing embryo. there isn't a heartbeat yet. but what i do know now is that nausea is kicking in, i'm more sensitive to sound, and have noticed slightly less chill in my demeanor. poor Ted eagerly read off multiple menu items to order and i snapped back because he wasn't giving me time to process the menu on my own without annoyingly barking 'how about this' and 'how about that.' to be fair though, that could've just been hanger talking through me.

aside from these symptoms, there isn't much happening. so long as things fly smoothly over the next few weeks, this blog post will be making it to your eyes and i'll start writing in this blog again.

wish us luck! fingers crossed for a happy healthy baby and a happy healthy me.