a profound moment with a stranger

                             
today i woke up early to try and get to Diamond Head before the crowds started amassing. the 23 bus ran late so i didn't make it there until nearly 8am. with all of this solo time i have here in Hawaii, i find myself chatting with random people for the sake of testing out whether i still have an actual voice or not. don't get me wrong, i don't mind doing things on my own (otherwise i would've never booked a flight and hotel before everybody else got here) but after a while you sort of need some real human interaction. if i were ever on a deserted island i would surely go bananas in less than a week.

right after having gotten off the bus i noticed a girl making her way up towards the Diamond Head trail by herself and asked if she wanted company for the trek up. she is a transfer student from Woodstock, NY who for the first time touched down on Hawaiian land on saturday and had her first class yesterday. she is full of life and curiosity. her parents are of the "be free my child" (her words, not mine) ideal which makes sense considering they met at The Who concert and moved to Woodstock (yes, THE Woodstock, of debaucherous concert fame). when we got up to the top she continuously spoke in a soft humbled tone saying things like "this is amazing! when you see something like this all the pain and hurt that anybody is going through just leaves for a moment. when such beauty occurs in nature it's hard to remember all the things that make up your crazy life (again, her crazy life, not mine)." i found this to be quite profound for a sophomore college student who came from a tiny town of who's high school graduating class was twelve people. it was definitely a good moment. and after hanging out for a few minutes at the top i found her sitting quietly on a rock somewhere gazing into the horizon. i decided to leave our encounter at that and took a few photos before descending. but what she said was true. it really is hard to be upset about anything when you find yourself in paradise.

**i feel like i just wrote a short cheesy chapter from a novel or something.

le sigh

i've learned that its quite possible to annoy yourself. i've never thought that could be true because if you don't like something about yourself, you change it, right? you can change actions and you can look at situations from various angles to find the logic behind them. but one thing you can't really change is how you feel. and sometimes feelings aren't containable. sometimes they appear whether you want them to or not and it's visibly available to anybody in your presence. lately i've been a lacking version of myself and to those who are used to seeing me smile and make sarcastic comments full of dry humor, i'm sorry i've been different. i know you don't fault me, but i fault myself. i'm sort of excruciatingly  tired of myself and annoyed that i can't bring myself to be my normal self. it's disheartening and i can't wait for a better day. if only i could see glimpses of my future self/life.

this week's good times

some of this week's good times captured in pictures

---Lorraine's birthday happy hour(s) at Brickyard. hmm somehow i have zero pictures of the guys in attendance. whoops.

some of the girls, minus Lindsay

Ruby, Muri, Natty, myself and Lorraine

we took some of our x-ray students with us because they're awesome.

Bahar, Stella and Donna...oh, and there's Lindsay hiding in the back

server: who ordered the kamikazes?

me: the two asians at the end of the table. the ones that look the same. you know how they say "all asians look the same? well...there you go! there's some truth to that!"  (but they're sisters sooo...yeah.) they, of course, ordered the kamikazes. 

happy birthday, friend!! love you and how mushy you get on your birthday telling us that you "luh errybody" so much!

quick stop for birthday cupcakes because why not?

---Paint Nite!! so much fun! step-by-step instructed paint session. i chose the ice cream night because food rules my world. why try to copy Monet when my heart lies with ice cream anyhow?

Marjie, Jo, myself

---Wild 94.9's Comedy Jam. i LOVE comedy jam. this is probably my fourth or fifth time attending and it's one of my favorite events to look forward to each year. Angela Johnson of the Vietnamese-nail-salon-bit-fame was my favorite of the night. with Little Lucca sandwiches, snacks, blankets and chairs, we were all ready for a night of laughter!

myself, Marjie, Jinell, Natty

check out the beautiful cotton candy clouds that surrounded the event center 

Uyen stopped by to say hello

no poker face

the thing with not having a poker face is that you can always tell what my internal reactions are. whether it's something slight like disliking the taste of a food or questioning if what someone said was valid, it shows on my face. if i think something is hysterical, you can tell because my hearty laugh comes out. and if something is moderately funny, a smile and a light "hehe" might arise. there's never a time when i'm not being exactly who i feel i am at any given moment.

it must be my inability to be dishonest that makes this the case. whatever my mood, i am never pretending. i've always been known to be legit. real. honest. and even though sometimes the things that i say seem a tad harsh, it's always my truth. if you know me, you know me no other way. to my knowledge i've never been thought of as fake or overly polite. as an example, my friends know that i don't particularly think newborn babies are cute and i would never look at even my best friend's baby and utter the words "he/she is so cute" because that would be false. i might say "he/she is so tiny  has a lot of hair  looks healthy  has all ten fingers and toes looks to have the potential of cuteness in it's near future," but if the baby isn't indeed cute at that very moment, i'll compliment something that is accurate and of truth. this type of honesty has clearly translated into my facial expressions and/or body language as well.

lately i haven't been my normal self and it's driving me a little crazy. because of this, i've become a bit disengaged. things that i typically might find funny are of less hilarity. nonsensical subjects that come up in conversation usually carry on for lengths of time because why not entertain these subjects purely for the sake of entertainment? but in recent time i find myself not caring to be entertained. i'm waiting for the day when i feel like my normal self and those around me see me again. but don't worry, i know that in due time it's coming.

absolute favorite picture of myself ever in time

i don't mean to be vain, guys, but i really love this picture of myself. i'm pretty sure nobody would argue that it's a pretty excellent photo and i look pretty awesome. i mean, even the other people in the photo can't help but laugh stare at me. i'm so hot right now.

but seriously, every element of this picture makes me smile. from the fact that i have a whole cake sitting in front of me (you can't see, but i know it's there), the lighter in my hand (because they said they didn't have candles), to the whole pie on my face, this is one of the best photos of my lifetime. and lest forget the culprit (Mike) who has the pie tin in his hand.

when life gets hard and i'm rolling through tough times, i look at this picture from my surprise 21st birthday and for a moment all things are good again. aaaahh the memories!!

Eva's bachelorette in Vegas

Eva's bachelorette party in photos (minus the "what happens in vegas stays in vegas" photos of course)...

destination: Vegas

Libby calls smokey eyed makeup "Panda-chic" haha!

no proper bachelorette is complete without a viewing of the Aussies from Thunder From Down Under. so effing cheesy! and the boys can't dance for shit. more funny than sexy. then off the Tryst.

lunch at Public House. they had a great duck confit poutine 

in silence, this creepy clownish character positioned us for photos

then he positioned us again. i'm not sure if he unsuccessfully tried to pose like us or if he was being creepy, but by the looks of it, i'm going with creepy.

dinner at Bouchon!

seared foie gras, oh you've been missed here in CA! so very buttery good!

split an order of salmon with corn, bacon and clams. soo good!

then a tour of the kitchen!

don't they look marvelous?

pristine and quiet

with Josh Crain (chef de cuisine), Scott Wheatfill (pastry chef) and our tour guide/private party manager

off to XS

with my beautiful cousin/bride to be, who was a trooper for putting up with our scavenger hunt list of things to complete

maid of honor, Evelyn

four smiling heads faces

love Libby! 

 good idea, XS

=)

to all my friends....

to all my friends, old and new, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being my support. for trying to lift my spirits and for letting me be someone who isn't my normal self. thank you for bringing me three scoops of varying flavors of ice cream from my favorite ice cream spot. thank you for coming to my house in five minutes flat from the moment you answered my call. thank you for sitting with me for hours when i finally fell asleep. thank you for knowing that even though i said i didn't need your dresses, you dropped them off anyway just in case i changed my mind, and that could bring me a temporary excitement. thank you for taking me to dinner and not caring if anybody sees you with that teary eyed girl. thank you for sharing your love life tragedies in exchange for my first real laugh. thank you for inviting me to your industry event and sharing your insight. thank you for letting me walk away  after you said something nice and knowing that i didn't mean to be rude. thank you for joining me for my favorite pizza. thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. thank you for the hugs. the words. the silence. the compliments. the understanding. the caring. you are all my greatest assets and i would be nowhere without you. thank you. thank you. thank you.