Sunday, December 30, 2012

the unusual shallow deal breaker

everybody has deal breakers when it comes to the opposite sex, right? they can be anything at the discretion of each individual person's needs/wants/likes. for some people it's the amount of money they make, whether or not children are involved, or whether they're divorced. a deal breaker can be that he's an asshole to his mom, or that she's too high maintenance. he's too nerdy. or she's too shy. or maybe he simply types "dat" instead of "that" (guys, do you know how obnoxious you sound at that very moment?). sometimes deal breakers can be nothing more than a shallow observation that turns a person off. maybe he's too short or dresses like he's twelve. maybe her pixie hair cut isn't doing it for you, or she's got a bleached mustache. or how about that Popeye eye. you incredibly small, nearly squinting eye sitting next to a normal sized eye. who knows? to each their own. you all know i can't stand the not-smile-smile.

again, everybody has their deal breaker. but what i want to focus on here is the unusual shallow deal breaker. out of curiosity, i've had conversations with girl friends about what their unusual shallow deal breakers are. some people couldn't figure out an unusual turn-off. they just listed "bad teeth" and "too chubby" but those aren't unusual at all. of the responses i've heard, i have two favorites (mostly because i think they're funny):

1. thick thighs- her reasoning is that wider hips and thighs are a feminine quality. so basically if the circumference of a man's thighs equal more than x-amount (whatever the threshold is, i don't know...that's up to her) then they are considered to be too womanly and it's a massive turn-off.

2. baby nails- she said "short nails" but i quickly turned that into "baby nails." also, not nice hands in general. she didn't specify what exactly qualifies as gross hands to her. or maybe she did, but i decided not to focus on that because "baby nails" was too hysterical an image to take my mind off of at the time. anyhow, she said that if someone's hands weren't up to par, the thought of them touching her freaks her out.

so. wanna know what my unusual shallow deal breaker is? do ya? doooo ya? drumroll please!!!


permanent deep brow lines- know what i mean? i'm talking about those deep creases that form on a person's forehead over time from always questioning things. they might wonder "who? what? when? where? why?" about who-knows-what and their eyebrows raise, causing the skin at the top of their dome to crinkle into a number of folds. as this action is repeated throughout life, the folds become more permanent and eventually that person doesn't even have to be in a state of wonder for the excessive skin on their forehead to just stay folded. i'll give you the perfect example. click this link to see how Chef Gordon Ramsay's forehead is the ideal image of my unusual shallow deal breaker.

now of course if a person is an amazing being, then these "deal breakers" aren't really deal breakers. they're just for the sake of conversation. quite honestly, if someone is genuine, caring, loyal and the whole shebang, then a wrinkled forehead really isn't going to be the end all. but sometimes it's fun to ponder.

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