an ode to my mom

my mom with Cam

three generations of moms

(this was taken 19 days before Cam was born)

you know how they say that you don't truly appreciate your parents until you're a parent yourself?

1000% dead accurate!

i've always appreciated my parents but i've never appreciated them more than now. i recall having a good childhood. whether it was going to Disneyland/other amusement parks, zoos, camping or playing around outside, i've always had fun. when it came to disciplining my brother and i, i look back fondly at my mom always making sure to tell us why what we did was wrong. rather than scolding us with no explanation, this method taught us to be analytical and logical in thought as adults. i guess as we grow up it's easy to reflect on your parents by how you felt about your childhood but now that i'm beginning this new chapter in my life as a mom myself, i realize how much more went into parenting my brother and i than i've ever been able to understand. i never knew the true hardships of motherhood and as they unfold, i appreciate what they've endured for us.

at just over five weeks into parenthood i already see how much work goes into the early stages of parenting and let me tell you, it's grueling. the lack of sleep and confusion about what you're doing are intense and you feel like you're living by a thin thread of hope. now that i'm living this, i can only wonder what it was like for my own mom and dad. but if i'm being truly fair this is more about my mom. she's the one that put in a majority of the work and i feel like i could never repay her for it. not that she would ever seek redemption. that's not what parenthood is about. this past week i've cried in recognition and appreciation for all the things my mom has done throughout my lifetime.

so Mom, thank you for the memorably happy childhood! but also...

thank you for growing me for nine months while you worked.
thank you for jeopardizing your youthful body in exchange for extra fluff.
thank you for feeling trapped in what feels like an eternity of sleepless nights.
thank you for enduring the confusion of screeching cries for months.
thank you for juggling two babies under the age of 2 at the same time.
thank you for trading in your life of freedom in exchange for two chaotic additions.
thank you for spending your time changing a million diapers.
thank you for ever feeling overwhelmed, tired and hopeless at any point in our lives.
thank you for always having our best interests at heart.

but you recently stated that you will always worry about me, just like you said poh-poh (my grandma) still worries about you (and you're already considered a senior citizen!!!). i'm finding out more and more each day that if there's anything that epitomizes motherhood it starts and never stops with the worrying. you've only ever wanted what was best for Jeremy and i whether it's in health, happiness or general well being and with that comes a lifetime of worrying and lightweight or heavyweight anxiety depending on the situation. that's a hard thing to live with. but it's also a choice you make. so thanks for making that choice and for having to spend your life worrying about us. thank you for most recently for your worry as you watch me and help me through baby blues or postpartum depression (whichever one it is). it's helped me feel better and i couldn't imagine navigating motherhood without the guidance of my own mom.

i appreciate you! and i imagine that as my journey throughout motherhood progresses and i realize how much your efforts have affected my life, my appreciation for you will only continuously rise as well.

thank you for your selflessness!