running a half marathon

when i was in middle school, i was a big chubster and ridiculously out of shape. every so often we would have to run the "turkey trot," which was one mile, starting at our school, through a residential neighborhood, park and up a hill back to school. one mile at that point seemed like it was to Egypt and back for me. i would walk most of it, except for the downhill portion of course. oh, but even then the course went right by my house and on occasion i would hide some juice or small bag of fruit snacks in a bush before i left for school so that while i was meandering and walking the turkey trot, i could grab a snack. i was so out of shape that by the time it took me 16 minutes to walk a mile and get back to school, i couldn't breathe. the extent of the amount of non-breathing i experienced was that of a person with asthma, except that i've never had asthma. i distinctly remember it feeling like i had a  fish bowl put over my head and the only air that got in my lungs was thick, hot and lacking in oxygen. it was pretty scary, but i had no desire to get in shape. i didn't even know what running really felt like.

eventually i started working out, losing weight, and becoming fairly obsessed with those things. i have done cycling, spinning, jogging, elliptical, P90x, Insanity, Slim in 6, a capoera bootcamp class, etc. mostly it was cardio.

but never in my life have i ever had the desire to run a half marathon. last year a friend asked if i would do it with her and i agreed to do it as a means to up my running abilities an opportunity to keep me on the track to weight loss. let's be real, i didn't give a crap about the ability to run 13.1 miles straight. all i cared about was the fact that it would help me either maintain my weight or lose more weight. prior to training for the half marathon the most i ever ran was 5 miles. through training it eventually became 7, then 9, then 12. in 3 months of training i tracked 218 miles of running.

 i don't generally care what i look like when i run, as you can clearly see above! what an outfit! haha!

on June 17, 2010 i ran the most i ever have in my life.  it was the Giant Race Half Marathon (aka Plate to Plate). 13.1 miles without stopping. not even for water. on that very hot morning i just grabbed Dixie cups with water or Gatorade and practically threw them in my face hoping that some of it would make it into my mouth. my time wasn't fast. i clocked in at 2hrs and 12min. that's just about 10min/mile. but the fact that i was in motion for that amount of time was a feat for me. naturally i was tired when i crossed over the finish line however i didn't feel like i was exhausted. they say that you get a "runner's high," and in that moment i definitely did. but just because i felt great about myself and how far i'd come didn't mean i ever wanted to run another half marathon. i felt like what i'd accomplished was enough for me, and i was happy with that.

fast forward to yesterday. i went to run Lake Merced which is 4.6miles according to my Garmin. the second i finished running once around the lake i wanted to stop. i felt defeated, as i initially wanted to run it twice. but considering i haven't been running like i was when i was training, i can't say i was incredibly surprised. i know in order to maintain the ability to do something you've got to continue with it. essentially if you don't use it, you lose it. a little more than half a year has passed since i ran the half marathon and now i want to ability to run it comfortably again. i think i'm going to run another one. this time it's not about weight loss (well okay, any exercise i do is usually meant to counteract all the food i eat), it's about ability and strength.