Friday, February 14, 2014

the thing about having a deep voice is...

the thing about having a deep voice is that you can't date anybody who has a higher voice than you, right? it's sort of like height or weight. typically women don't want to date someone shorter than them or who weighs less than them. i'm not saying this should be the case (to each their own in relationships), but i am saying that i'd bet most women would agree with the height/weight thing. it probably stems from the primal idea of protection. in case you don't get it (which i really hope you do, because if you don't then some screw might be missing upstairs), in nature typically the male is dominant and larger mainly for purposes of protecting it's pride, tribe or family from danger. if being larger and taller equates to potentially having more ability to protect then having a deeper voice naturally belongs in the same category. nobody is scared of a dolphins high pitched 'eeee's but everybody would run from a lion's roar. by that logic women i typically am turned off by someone with a higher pitched voice than i have.

if you actually know me then you know that i pretty much sound like a dude. like, when i was a kid and i answered the phone (side note: land lines! once upon a time they actually existed in homes, for anybody in the semi-near future that accidentally stumbles upon this post and only has cell phones!) people would respond with "Jeremy?" and when he answered they'd ask "Regina?". but to be fair, Jeremy did sound like a four year old girl until he was twelve. or if i see a spider and scream "aaaahhh!!" it almost sounds like a sarcastic scream because my voice is incapable of reaching levels of intensity. anyhow, my voice is pretty damn deep and it just seems weird to date anybody who's octave level is like a soprano compared to my baritone (except i hope i don't actually sound baritone. what's a tad above baritone?? maybe i'm that. haha). like, if we are ever doing a duet of "One Sweet Day" and it's only natural that you take the Mariah Carey role and i take the role of all of the Boyz II Men, then it's probably not going to work out between us. i don't want to sound like the masculine one while you sound effeminate.

the other day i went on a 'date' with a guy and upon his "hi, Regina," i heard the pitch of his higher-than-my voice and immediately thought "aww damnit! well that's that!" and maaaybe he had some effeminate qualities to boot, which is probably more the reason for the turnoff. now of course if he were damn near perfect otherwise or there was an actual spark, it wouldn't be a deal breaker but he clearly wasn't so i'll chalk it up to the frequency of his tone.

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