the thing about having a deep voice is...

the thing about having a deep voice is that you can't date anybody who has a higher voice than you, right? it's sort of like height or weight. typically women don't want to date someone shorter than them or who weighs less than them. i'm not saying this should be the case (to each their own in relationships), but i am saying that i'd bet most women would agree with the height/weight thing. it probably stems from the primal idea of protection. in case you don't get it (which i really hope you do, because if you don't then some screw might be missing upstairs), in nature typically the male is dominant and larger mainly for purposes of protecting it's pride, tribe or family from danger. if being larger and taller equates to potentially having more ability to protect then having a deeper voice naturally belongs in the same category. nobody is scared of a dolphins high pitched 'eeee's but everybody would run from a lion's roar. by that logic women i typically am turned off by someone with a higher pitched voice than i have.

if you actually know me then you know that i pretty much sound like a dude. like, when i was a kid and i answered the phone (side note: land lines! once upon a time they actually existed in homes, for anybody in the semi-near future that accidentally stumbles upon this post and only has cell phones!) people would respond with "Jeremy?" and when he answered they'd ask "Regina?". but to be fair, Jeremy did sound like a four year old girl until he was twelve. or if i see a spider and scream "aaaahhh!!" it almost sounds like a sarcastic scream because my voice is incapable of reaching levels of intensity. anyhow, my voice is pretty damn deep and it just seems weird to date anybody who's octave level is like a soprano compared to my baritone (except i hope i don't actually sound baritone. what's a tad above baritone?? maybe i'm that. haha). like, if we are ever doing a duet of "One Sweet Day" and it's only natural that you take the Mariah Carey role and i take the role of all of the Boyz II Men, then it's probably not going to work out between us. i don't want to sound like the masculine one while you sound effeminate.

the other day i went on a 'date' with a guy and upon his "hi, Regina," i heard the pitch of his higher-than-my voice and immediately thought "aww damnit! well that's that!" and maaaybe he had some effeminate qualities to boot, which is probably more the reason for the turnoff. now of course if he were damn near perfect otherwise or there was an actual spark, it wouldn't be a deal breaker but he clearly wasn't so i'll chalk it up to the frequency of his tone.

Timing is everything

Timing is everything. and to me Timing has been a motherf*cking bitch. if you can't tell, i'm a little more than pissed at Timing. she has not been kind to me lately and i'm quite upset at the possibilities that could have been had Timing had her shit together. we haven't been getting along very well and i can't help but put some blame on her.

though to be fair, i have to say that in most aspects of my life Timing has actually been on my side. so i can't 100% be mad at Timing. it just seems she's been moody with me for a few years. plus, it's not actually everything. Timing weighs heavy in some cases but everything is also situational. and if you want to get philosophical, some say Time is an illusion anyway. 

who's to say? at the end of the day (there Time is again) and the journey through life, all things fall into place just the way they were meant to. "if it's not okay, it's not the end," right? right. 

rants from an x-ray tech part II

to: patient
from: regina

--how come it takes you seven hours to take your jeans off and put a gown on? i mean, are you wearing button flys? on that note, whyyyyyy do people ever wear button fly pants? they're so inefficient. anyhow, if you would just learn to take your pants on/off faster, you would be saving so much time in your every day life, y'know. you'd have more time for random things. things such as not be in a radiology changing room for seven hours.

--so while positioning you, i move you forward with my hands just a little bit (like an inch), say "hold really still" and let go. you tend to sway back all out of place and then i have to do it again. we play this game for about three rounds before you get that "hold still" means to indeed hold still. during this time the words "why must you defy me" play in my mind over and over until finally we've come to the agreement that you are going to actually hold still this time.

--this interaction has occurred too many times in my short (so far) career as an x-ray tech.

me: hi! i'm Regina, i'll be taking your x-rays.
patient: hi! i'm, [insert name] i'll be your patient today. hahaha!!!

i can't imagine how many more times i'm going to hear this. or how many times you've already said this to your nurse, dentist, doctor, physical therapist, etc. aren't you tired of saying it? we're i'm tired of hearing it. sure, it was sort of cute the first time someone said it but how often do you think it's going to be the first time hearing it for the person you're saying it to? slim to none i'll bet.

--i'm sorry if when i read your name, George Blah Blah Blah, i pronounced it j-or-j blah blah blah like the normal way most people say that name. it's not really my fault that you spell your name the typical way but like it to be pronounced j-or-jay. when in a condescending tone as if i'm stupid because i can't read or something, you say "you said that wrong, it's actually j-or-jay blah blah blah," i pretty much want nothing more than to say to you "you know we're never going to meet again in life, right? there will never ever be a time when i'm going to see you and be like 'oh, hey j-or-jay, remember when i used to call you j-or-j? boy, was i stupid for thinking your name was ordinary.'"

also, to the person who has more than three consecutive consonants in your last name, your name is barely readable so don't be mad at me when i say it wrong mmmkay? who in your history decided to throw a bunch of random letters together?


to hear me be a complaining brat just a little bit more, click here:
rants from an x-ray tech part I

don't actually just say "cheese"

the not-smile smile

i'm sure everybody has been met with the question "what do you first notice in someone of the opposite sex?" for me, that answer is their smile and eyes. i pay attention to everybody's smiles because they are so telling of how the person feels at any given time. typically people look great when they're smiling, right? because it shows a happiness or lightness in their demeanor at the time. but my point to this specific blog post is that people should look better when they're smiling than when they aren't smiling. 

too many times i've seen guys "smile" in a picture and it looks like the photo above. i cannot understand this. that is not the image of happiness, fellas. i can't describe that type of face to be anything other than "yikes!" as in "yikes! i probably shouldn't have gotten into that cake before we sang Happy Birthday," or "yikes! that cat is about to pounce on me and scratch my face up." well lemme tell you, if that's your "smiling" face, then i say let the cat have at it! i'm only kidding, of course. but why oh whyyyyyy do you guys do this? it's awkward and not in the slightest bit attractive. telling you to say "cheese" is only a saying. nobody really wants you to say "cheese" with such an exaggerated horizontal pulling of the sides of your mouth. but if that's your method, then at least be happy about the cheese, mmkay? otherwise you may as well just sit there stern faced because it's likely going to be more attractive than that mess you see above. 

rants from an x-ray tech

from: regina
to: patients

-it's super bizarre when i ask you how you're doing and you give me no response. i ask you if you are able to stand and you stare at me blankly as if we're from different planets. i do your whole exam thinking that you speak another language and the only way to communicate with you is through a brief game of charades, and then when we're done all of a sudden you say "thank you so much," in perfect english. what. in. the. f*ck?

- when i ask you to turn and face the wall to your right, i do indeed mean you RIGHT! then when i turn you around towards the correct wall and say "this wall, not that wall," and you respond with "but you said my right," i curse your parents for not teaching you fundamentals.

-when i ask you to lie down on the table, i'm not sure why you insist on being diagonal. nowhere in the history of anywhere do people mean "be weird" when they ask you to lie down for an exam. oh, and when you ask me where your head goes, it's probably going to be the side where the pillow is, dontchathink?

-you're here for a chest x-ray because you're sick and coughing up a lung, right? do you live and die by the phrase "misery loves company" or what? cover your mouth when you're coughing in my face, you jerk!

-if i tell you that you need to hold "reeeeaaaallly still" for a few minutes for a CT scan of your head, why do you think it's okay to lift your head up out of the holder and say "now?"

-on that same note, when i ask you to "take in a deep breath," and you pause for a moment then say "okay tell me when," i've likely already taken your subpar x-ray. are you ready to take a second one?

faux 3rd anniversary at Alexander's

Jon: let's go to Alexander's

me: okay

Jon: the omakase is lookin pretty good

me: i'm down! but if we're going to spend so much money on a meal, we should probably get some free stuff out of this. let's tell them it's our anniversary or something.

Jon: really though? what if they ask what the anniversary is for? they're not going to like it if we say it's our Anniversary of Awesome

me: yeah just put down that it's our 3 year anniversary

and so it was! Jon and i pretended it was our 3 year anniversary in order to obtain freebies from Alexanders. at $200/person for a 9 course meal on a sunday, i'll take all of the freebies i can get! 

"happy anniversary! can i bring you some champagne to celebrate and toast?"- yes, yes please!

Jon hates having his picture taken, but i force him into it all the time. especially if there's an opportunity for a super cheesy photo op because it's extra embarrassing for him. "c'mon, let's take a clinking glasses picture. as corny a picture as possible!" i'm positive he's cringing as he's reading this and revisiting the moment. haha!

on to the meal...

(please excuse the crappy pictures as i had to use my iphone)

amuse bouche of tuna tartar

1st course: scallop crudo

with celery. i could understand their reasoning for pairing scallop with celery (it brings a light refreshing element to the dish as well as a bit of a bitter note) but i am not a fan of celery, so i didn't care for this dish. i was a bit worried that it was going to set the tone for the whole meal but it was the only dish i didn't care for. everything else was great.

2nd course: caviar with yellowtail

yeah, those are gold flakes. there's never any real reason for gold flakes except that it's sorta pretty. a nice piece of fish paired with some lovely white sturgeon caviar.

3rd course: wagyu tartare

holy yum! this was sort of amazing! the various accoutrements added different elements to the very tender, very umami taste of wagyu.

4th course: bone marrow

with heirloom tomato and peaches. when i saw "bone marrow" on the menu i got excited. when i saw this land on the table, i was confused. i was hoping to see a bone, but when i didn't i wasn't sure what to expect. but good god was this delicious. the sweetness of the heirloom tomato and peaches cut through the fattiness and richness of the bone marrow quite nicely and the fried leeks added a necessary texture to the dish. i could eat this all day.

5th course: duck breast

with colorful carrots and (i think) leek ash. so very succulent.

6th course: pork belly and squid

pork belly is always a good thing. squid, i like too. i would've never thought to put the two together but somehow it worked marvelously! oh and that squid ink sauce was sort of amazing. i fell in love with it. it had a little bit of a kick and was crazy full of flavor.

7th course: Tajima strip steak

apparently this is a hybrid. i wasn't sure what to expect but damn was this tender and marbled with fat! i ordered mine medium rare and Jon ordered his "black and blue," which i am jealous about. he gave me a bite of his and it was SO buttery prepared just barely seared.

berry parfait

i could have done without the flowers. 

8th course: coconut snow

with mango sorbet. think dippin dots but coconut flavored.

9th course: pistachio parfait

with sour cherry sorbet. the pistachio portion was in between an ice cream and a nougat. this dish sort of tasted like spumoni, minus the gross candied fruit. a nice way to end the meal...

except that they then brought us our "anniversary" dessert!!!

haha so specific!! they actually put "3rd!"

me: want to do the honors and blow out the candle?

Jon: uhhh no, that's okay. it's all you.

me: c'mon together!

then we laughed for a solid 3 minutes because that shit is ridiculous when people blow out candles together.

berry cotton candy

thank you so, so very much for dinner. i had so much fun and it was an absolutely memorable meal. when you come back from LA i'm treating you to Quince!

driving rants

-if your car suddenly feels like it's got a hydraulics system, know that it's your tires rolling over the lane division bumps. if your car always feels like it's got a hydraulics system then i'll bet that in preschool you couldn't color inside the lines either.

- while changing lanes, if you linger over the dotted line, you THINK you're being cautious but you are in fact upping your chances of me or someone else slamming into your dumbass by one hundred million percent. partially because now you're in two lanes for an unnecessarily elongated period of time and partially because i want to harm you.

-if you're going to cut me off or sneak into my lane really quick because you're a dick who needed to make a right hand turn at the very last moment possible, please, give me a little "thanks" or "sorry" wave. at that point, i ain't mad atcha. but if you don't, then you remain an ass wad forever after.

-motorcyclists, f*ck you in general.