unsolicited baby advice #2

so i'm in a taxi on my way to the airport in Las Vegas for the 4th of July weekend. i notice the driver has a very distinct African accent so i ask where he's from and how long he's been in America. gaaaaaawwwwwdd!!! i sound like a real patriotic asshole american now that i sit here and realize i did this on the actual 4th of July as if it matters where he's from or how long he's been in 'Murica. anyhow the answers are Nigeria and "long story. twenty years ago i came and delivered babies in the Bay Area where you're from. i stayed for two years then went back to Nigeria for twenty years as a doctor. now i'm back and my license to practice in America expired so i have to do some residency stuff again." he tells me he worked at Kaiser in Oakland, which is where i did part of my clinical portion of x-ray school. i usually avoid conversation with people in a general sense but this opens doors to the more social part of me. we get to talking and i tell him that i'm just finishing up my first trimester. i think that he's going to tell me some really sound, awesome advice considering he's a doctor that's delivered babies for decades. or maybe even some really unique advice out of Nigeria.

"you have to promise me one thing. it's very important. when you have a baby and it starts to crawl sometimes you are boiling water. you are boiling water and you canNOT spill it on your baby. you have to do this one very important thing and it is to look behind you if you are boiling water. if you spill boiling water on your baby it is a very bad thing. is it a boy or a girl? if it's a boy and you spill boiling water on him he will still find a wife but if it's a girl it will be very hard for her to find a husband if she is burned. i had a friend who spilled a pot of boiling water on his child because he did not look back and it was not good. so promise me this one thing. you have to do it. look before you boil water to see where your child is."

verdict: valid. okay. got it. so you're saying do not spill boiling water on a baby. whew. really happy you told me that, dude. geez, what if i'd never met you? i would have just kept spilling hot ass water on my baby all willy nilly and potentially ruined her future with a husband. but then again if it's a boy i guess i could be a little more lax about spillage.