Monday, January 20, 2014

resting bitch face

i know, i know...Resting Bitch Face isn't a new thing. in fact i'll bet that since the very first day humans existed, so did RBF. if you have indeed been living under the most giant rock and are unaware of what 'resting bitch face' actually is, just take a walk. look around and notice the girls who are alone or aren't currently engaged in conversation with someone else. any of them look sort of mean or judgmental? expressionless or in some bitch-mode? i know you see them...ding!! ding!! ding!! that's RBF also known as Chronic Bitch Face. some time over the past couple of years this idea of women with Resting Bitch Face has grown in popularity. i'm guessing it started out as just a funny joke-like conversation about situations in which guys aren't sure whether to approach a woman who looks upset and unhappy. but let's be real, it's an actual thing that lots of people posses.

i'm here to talk about my ownership of Resting Bitch Face. iiiiii definitely have one of those....have all my life! one time i was at Costco just standing in line waiting for my turn at the register and this little boy (about seven years old (but who really knows because i have no concept of the size of a human vs. their age before people become full blown adults)) looks dead at me and says "maybe you should smile more!" to which i replied "maybe your dad should teach you some manners!" this made me seem reeeeeaaaaal cool. like elderly lady cool. like not-only-do-i-currently-look-like-a-bitch-but-then-i-opened-my-mouth-and-became-an-actual-bitch-type-cool.....except that part didn't happen because i'm passive aggressive like that. the little asshole kid did tell me to smile more but instead of scolding him, i pretty much continued to stand there as i already was and waited for my turn at the register. i mean what good would it have done to say anything? he will likely grow up continuing to be a little dickhead.

well the kid was maybe rather than calling him a jerk over the internets, i should commend him for being observant. when i am not actively smiling or engaged in conversation with people, i basically look like a grump monster. it's true. but can we just consider it an effort in conservation of energy? they say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile but i call bullshit on that! clearly frowning for those of us with RBF is pretty easy. look. i just want my smiles to be genuine and when i truly smile it's a pretty decent looking one i think. you can't bring that energy to life all. the. time! i actually can't really understand how some people walk around and look like they're in the happiest of places all the times. like..what is going on in their head at all hours of the day that turns the corners of their mouths up endlessly? do they live in a mind full of pink clouds and puppies?

so if you ever see me looking sort of bitchy just know it's not that i hate you or i think the world is a miserable place, i simply just look like that for most hours of the day. you can say "hi" and if you're lucky i just might put in the energy to flash you a smile.

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