Tuesday, February 19, 2013

don't ever princess handshake me

when someone approaches your personal zone and motions to shake your hand, you naturally anticipate that handshake to match the strength of what you see before you, right? say, if The Hulk wanted a handshake, i might run in response to fear of shattered fingers. and if after having purchased a load of Thin Mints, a Girl Scout leaned in for a shake, i would imagine it to be soft, friendly, and include exactly three literal up-down motions (because as a child i thought handshakes were done in this specific manner). so when what seems to be a masculine guy approaches to shake my hand i expect a firm, solid, hello-i-want-you-to-know-that-i'm-a-man's-man type handshake.

so what happens when said handshake is making it's way towards me? i do as always and prepare for my own usual handshake which is a fairly solid i-ain't-no-dummy-nor-princess-type-chick handshake. this, of course, is based on my own silly musings about how strong i think i am. though in reality i am well aware of my lack of ability to open cans or even Gatorade bottles, so i'm not confident the imagery of my solid handshake is perceived from any other person in the same way (meh!). so we've now established that i'm not really strong, yet i do try to put in enough effort to hand off a solid enough message. whew, i just went off on a bit of a tangent there.

anyhow, in recent time there was an incident in which a guy who knowingly has taken a liking for me reached his hand out for what i thought was going to be a handshake. now i'm not sure what his intentions actually were. all i can say is that my hand went in for your traditional type handshake but was met with some obscure version of a hand collision. his hand turned palm side down and was limp as could be. think princess handshake, 'cause that's pretty much what it felt like. because i had treated it like your typical handshake, in the span of one quick second i basically demolished his hand and smashed four of his fingers together. what. in. the. fuck??? needless to say, it was really awkward and i can't understand why anybody who would want to make a good impression would shake a hand in that manner. you're better off just hollering because at least i can't smash your fingers when you "holla". fellas just FYI, a "holla" or just as equally, a princess handshake pretty much make you automatically undesirable. keep that in mind the next time you meet a pretty lady, mmmkay??

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