1) damn every time i open my mouth at the dentist for cleaning it's like i'm introducing my double chin to the world! was it bigger or smaller 6 months ago??
2) no. cannot get tattoo. why not? because when i'm nearing 80 and i decide that i can finally eat whatever the eff i want all day all night, i will surely blow up. and that tattoo of my former little brother will end up looking like a bloated lion.
meet Shortie, my very missed lil bro
also, on another (very similar) note....
once upon a time a woman woke up around, let's say, 9:27am. hungry, she thought about the delicious chicken wings that she had the night prior and realized that she had some left over sitting in her fridge. she was ready to stretch and then head to the kitchen to microwave her chicken wings for breakfast, however she heard the shuffle of her roommates slippers against the floor outside her bedroom door. realizing that most people would find it ridiculous to eat chicken wings at (now) 9:35am, she lingered in her room until she heard the garage door open, signaling that her roommate had left for the day. she thought "finally!! i can eat my chicken wings in peace without anybody knowing i ate them in place of a nice bowl of cheerios and a banana. no judgement if nobody knows, right?" then she happily indulged in morning chicken wing goodness.
hmm....sounds like a familiar story. but who does that?